Perfectly formatting your signature to fit your personality is hands down the best way to waste time while taking notes in high school.

@Gabby Sidibe: My wife was taken out with forceps after her mother was in labor for 7 days. (The hospital, in the USSR, made my MIL sign a waiver of liability if her child was stillborn.) As a result she’s been accused of RBF because there’s a dent in her forehead that makes her eyebrows point slightly down. Plus,…

Oh you know he practiced that shit so it would look professional af.

I don’t trust anyone with a signature that meticulous.

Chris Evan’s 17 year old signature is better looking than anything i will ever create with pen and paper

@Aziz Ansari: The best part is that it’s above not merely a Mexican barbershop, but a Oaxacan one. God DAMN do I love Los Angeles.

How much do you want to bet that somewhere out there, Chris Evans’s former English teachers are all cringing because the kid didn’t manage to write his business letter in block format?

“So if I wanted to watch the stock market and stuff like that I’d have to get up really early and watch it by myself.”

I was going to wait for it to finish and then watch it so I didn't get burned like all those suckers who got hooked on Lost, but by the time it wrapped up I was so sick of hearing about it that I just didn't bother.

Chelsea Handler has the rare skill as an interviewer where she can drain the life out of any topic, no matter how interesting it may be.

Was sent to Heartlight as a kid because I decided at a young age to be a militant atheist which my southern Baptist family could not abide. I was kicked out of the program for disrupting bible study by pointing out inconsistencies, asking (honest) questions, and generally being recalcitrant. Can confirm brain washing…

The “Stop Child Abuse in Residential Programs for Teens Act” (S. 2054, H.R. 1981) was crafted to help combat these types of situation and has been stuck in the Subcommittee on Early Childhood, Elementary and Secondary Education since November.

How is this not considered child abuse? I can’t believe the government continues to allow these facilities to exist when they know that no one is there by choice. These people, including her parents, should all be in jail. Let them stay there a year without say.

dont you just love the autocorrect on your phone....

What kind of monsters do this to their child?

What... do you mean?

You can sell the prescriptions that they keep in their medicine cabinets above the sink!

Secretly steal things from their homes when you visit them. DVDs, jewelry, etc. The finances will start to even out in the long run.

Whenever your friends suggest an activity that requires a lot of money being spent, suggest something else. If they want to go to a night club, suggest a movie night at home. If they want to go to a ball game, suggest a nice nature hike instead. If they want to go on a trip abroad, suggest spending a long weekend in…

Take out an equity loan on your parents house that you live in. Problem: SOLVED.