um, ejaculate (cream) exuding from an orifice (pie).

A bit off your main idea here, but I wish to assure you, Dear Jazmine, that you will feel better about being you in the near future. It comes as a function of accumulating years, and doing all the things you do to live in your life-you are choosing who you wish to be and one day soon it will slide into place all…

Too right-I have thin brown and silver white person(child) hair and it behaves much more nicely since I quit washing it with shampoo every day. I use coconut oil based soap once a week, with a leave in afters. Sometimes if I'm super sweaty, I'll rinse it with water and spray cider vinegar/cedar oil in there. It's…

Aw, man, that is tough. Maybe employ the 3rd party moral-of-the-story technique, where you point out obviously terrible behavior of a 3rd party to your spouse and discuss obliquely the consequences of their behavior. My 15 year old just played this out with her grandma, and it got the point across without direct…

US guidelines on the 5 years. Look at Spain and India, they say longer is OK (product is same-same). I worked in women's health at the time of my insertion and asked around, all the docs at my clinic said it was a money issue-IUDs are expensive and the more often you change out, the more the pharm co/doc/clinic…

I feel you. My dad has also been incredibly unkind to me regarding my weight and general physical condition. But I did some serious thinking about it over the last year and realized this: every woman who has lived with him during the last 30 years has developed serious eating disorder. His current wife will die of…

Or a klonopin if you can get one, for the crampy. I had a bit of a rough time with insertion, too, but my Mirena lasted 9 years and was easily removed at home. I miss it, or more specifically, the no-blood/no-cramp years I enjoyed. I was not an IUD proponent, and was afraid about all the potential probs, but I had…

The love of my life showed up to our first real date in fecking overalls. Like the douche in Dazed and Confused. I got over it, but not before mocking him cruelly to friends in a way that makes me hot with shame now, 16 years later.

I once won a bet in a bar for having the hairiest legs of all. Free Beer, y'all!

Pauly Shore is making the rounds as a standup. Surprisingly unsucky standup. If he comes to where you are, it's actually worth the ticket price.

6. Moby, maybe?

and your ass is saying "balls!"

Check out Olympia-looks like the map is suffering from that thing that happens when you squish Barbie's head.

Not only conservatively regulated, with new bills fielded every congressional session (the mandatory ultrasound thing is being flogged lately), my state functionally prevents access. There are 3 clinics in the whole state, and none in the upper half of the state. Also, it is very expensive. Many choose to travel to…

I learned from books in the library, online how-to, and an hour with an experienced person later to tighten things up. Not too hard, if you have basic skills and the will to do it. Go for it!

Not entirely certain about the red shoes for reproductive freedom thing. As a heavy bleeder, who has made my own shoes red on occasion. Maybe green-like, Go Slut Go? (which I already own, so.)

Highly unrelated, but what is that thing? In the hands, with the big blowhole and the whatchamajigger-what is that, and where do I get one?

Oh, honey. Sending you good energy.

That's the most amazing hat I've ever seen. Evah!

I saw it in one of those early 90s peri-apocolyptic movies, it was given to mean "Fuck I'm Great Just Ask Me" (War Games, maybe?)