It’s almost as if you’re saying libertarians don’t give much of a fuck about anything except themselves.

I bet Omarosa expected the walls of the Situation Room to fall away to reveal a studio audience.

Jesco: [lying on couch; girlfriend walks into living room] Oh, hi sweetie. I...heard you were thinking about quitting drinking.

Remember: this is all an embarrassing shitshow for the United States, but the congressional GOP is sitting idly by as it all happens. Patriots my ass.

Club owner Katherine Domitrovich says Simon is in general “annoying” and is no longer welcome there.

Hold out your hand and make no sudden movement. If a celebrity wants to engage, they will come to you. Always be gentle. While most celebrities have had their shots, some may carry disease. Best to stay on the safe side.

That’s what’s truly amazing. Any person with an ounce of self-awareness would think, “Why would Showtime think I’m one of the top 20 in the entire country? Surely something is not right here.”

The Postal Service is such a ripoff band, they sound just like Death Cab!

I like that your favorite Death Cab album is not a Death Cab album. 

Hey, it worked for Mormonism.  

Th AV Club does not condone the cool crime of airplane hijacking.

Also, why is he frightened of this thing that’s he become?

It would have amused me to no end if when Rivers “heard” the crowd say Europe, the band had launched into “The Final Countdown”.

I like the part where they explain what Kilimanjaro is by explaining that this mountain looks like a mountain in Greece, except in Africa.

i work in the craft beer business.

Robert Downey jr. was arrested in 1996 driving more than a hundred miles an hour in Los Angeles, with cocaine, heroin and an unloaded handgun in the car.  He was sentenced to 3 years in prison in 1999 for drug-related offenses. 

But you had time to fart this out?

It was better then The Fish Fucker movie.

I’ll probably eat a cheeseburger.

The article mentions that this story was getting a ton of publicity on September 10, 2001, so most Americans don’t remember it.