If it makes you feel any better, my brother stole my Blue Unlimited deck, complete with 2 Moxes and 2 Time Warps, and 2 Time Twisters. And traded them for $5, a can of pringles, and a bag of M&ms. The kid he traded them to was on vacation, and never to be seen again.

Joint tax filing is one of the biggest tangible benefits to getting married.

No, there’ll be a Wednesday military action somewhere that will bury this story. Everyone’s thinking Iran, but there’s a decent chance it’ll be one of our allies for some reason. 

I saw how easy it would be, as a parent, to accept the idea that my children deserve healthcare and education.

This is why it’s important to always get the go ahead from at least four black people before making questionable race-based jokes in public. Individual people are fallible. Run that shit by a committee.

This sometimes called The De Blasio Doctrine.  

Is there any confirmation that getting into the Good Place is that hard, other than what we were told by demons?

“You’re going to have to answer to the Coca Cola Company.”

Racism is JUST FINE, not following protocol is a CAPITAL OFFENSE.

This seems like a pretty volatile reaction for a sarcastic one-liner about LinkedIn, but ok.

As long as I live, I’ll never understand people’s pride in being goatfuckers. 

“New comedy gods”? Christ. She’ll be fine. Really. But thanks for your “concern”.

And, no sales tax in DE. Everybody wins!

Or, maybe a message in a bottle.

“Papa John Has Regrets.”

How else will he know what to think about it?

Yeah that’s my biggest one.  Don’t make me play the ‘Which beers are actually on tap’ game, give me a list of what you actually have.  If a keg kicked earlier that’s ok, but don’t give me a draft list with winter beers on it in July.

No no no no no. All due respect that honor goes to asking Richard Thornburgh where “barely legal” sits on the legal spectrum because he saw a great movie called Barely Legal 3.

So has the endless back-and-forth you said you were old enough not to get sucked into started yet?

Who is the “us” and “we” that is “so tired” in this story? The A.V. club?

Yeah man, fuck names.