The first time I tried Cel-Ray (at a Jewish deli, of course) I was pretty drunk, and I was floored by how much it really does taste like celery. I found the idea of celery soda hilarious and just laughed and laughed about it.

OH MY GOD THE PILOT IS FLYING US RIGHT INTO THAT MOUNTAIN, SOMEONE STOP HIM!

I mean, sure. His obsession with immigrants seems kind of racist. And the trade wars don’t really make any sense, and maybe a giant tax cut that will blow up the deficit was short-sighted. Picking on transgendered people is transparently engineered to rile up the base at the expense of a vulnerable population and…

I don’t know about that. When so many members of your team get indicted, that really says something. To me it says maybe this is a man who really thinks outside the box.

You know, two years of relentless liberal mockery of Donald Trump and everything he stands for has actually made me appreciate him a lot more. If you have the entire establishment in an uproar week after week you must be doing something right.

What we really need is a massive Prince revival. Whatever the impediment is to a flood of Prince covers (his estate? his reputation for hating covers?) has to be cleared away - let a thousand Prince covers bloom. You’ve got to face the fact that young people today with their hippityhop and the snapchat don’t know…

an inappropriate relationship

#1 tip for not being judged by the barista

Meh. Not much.

Columbian coffee, whole bean, from my local grocer (Fairway in NYC), ground course in a Capresso Burr Grinder, brewed in a big mason jar with a Kolob Brew Tube inserted:

Columbian coffee, whole bean, from my local grocer (Fairway in NYC), ground course in a Capresso Burr Grinder,…

No, of course not. Happily, I may be of some assistance. I may appear to be a mere pseudonymous commenter on an entertainment website, but in actuality I have had roughly the same amount of public success in the entertainment world as Mr. Davidson has enjoyed to date, and in my professional estimation he’s....just ok.

Look, buddy, there was a time when people didn’t think we needed dozens and dozens of features on Cameron Esposito, but in retrospect all of that coverage has absolutely, positively justified itself.

The fact that he looks and talks like a real-life muppet makes him naturally entertaining in small doses. It doesn’t really matter if he isn’t doing anything mindblowing. I actually like him better than much of the SNL cast, which is admittedly a very low bar to clear.

I think Louis has two extremely funny bits - “suck a bag of dicks” and “pig newtons.” And the rest is usually...not that great. A lot of lazy dick talk, a lot of putting other people down, some virtue-signaling about women that never sounded sincere, dumping on his ex, some arbitrary “shocking” material.

Aside from my potato shaped-head, haircut, glasses, pasty whiteness and lame fashion sense I look NOTHING like Dwight. And even considering all of those things, it’s just rude. I mean, look, I may have once remarked at Christmas that my nephew-in-law had grown up to look like like one of the bullies from the Simpsons,…

That famous gaffe is easy to explain, actually. He’s trying to say “keep plucking that chicken.” It’s some reference to an old Purdue commercial (note that right before that he basically says the tagline “it takes a tough man to make a tender chicken” but he is applying it to Nick, who has just given a forecast for…

The one time I went to a Chick-Fil-A the African-American gentleman behind the counter insisted that I look “exactly like” Dwight Shrute from The Office. He went on and on about how uncanny it was. I was traumatized for life.

I was actually really frustrated with this remote, because it insists on breaking everying down into routines. You wanna watch TV? OK, it says, let me turn on all three appliances (cable box, tv, audio) and change the inputs.

I was actually really frustrated with this remote, because it insists on breaking everying down into routines. You…

The primary value of the internet has been to reveal what people are really like behind the veil of propriety and civility. We’re all just fancy monkeys waiting for the opportunity to throw some poo on Marie Kondo.

They might also accept that God created man and he used the process of evolution to do it, basically trying to have your cake and eat it too and pat yourself on the back for being "smart."