If you think of a woman as just the thing you fuck, then yeah, invest in a machine or a fleshlight. But, you know, I think there’s far more to a relationship than something to poke.

The American dream is alive and well. What will it take for you to have another revolution? Maybe do it right next time, eh?

Perfect ‘sorry not sorry’ apology. It will be used by teachers in the future.

Doom is one of the (many) bits of software that led me to where I am today. I would have not had the incentive to understand networks and bandwidth management (as well as bios optimisation) without setting up a LAN with the accounts dept. to do death matches.

It’s 2016 dude. I shouldn’t have to. And your answer was nonsense, by the way.

Someone posted that he’s worth $45 million. If I had even one tenth of that, I’d never work again, and still live an amazing life.

I wore pretty tight trousers to work yesterday. I got a lot of surreptitious looks at the bus stop. I was exuding love.

I’ve $80 per stab.

Ahh, I just said the same thing. Curse lack of proper threading on Kinja.

Not sure that comment means anything. Do we need to know you don’t find her attractive? Why?

Isn’t it just natural now that our friends live on the internet (mine are scattered all over the world, and yet we stay in touch) and so it feels like meeting people for more intimate (potentially) relationships also happens on the internet?

I have a plan on hanging round book stores and, when someone I fancy, turns up, offering to buy them a book. I’m excited by the prospect, but there are some challenges that don’t exist in a bar when offering to buy someone a drink. They are these:

#dafuqamireadin?

This debate had scanty coverage in the UK press, whereas the Republican debates appear even in serious newspaper and shows. Because we enjoy the stupid.

Would you force people to say ‘Merry Christmas’ to every customer that passes through their business?

My sandwich called. It wants the cheese back. Seriously dude. What shitty preset did you use for the horns on ‘your’ ‘song’*?

Tom Jones wonders, Am I cack? Yes. Yes, Tom, you are.

I’m currently trying to build PsychoFox levels, which are fun, but there’s nothing similar to the elastic polls that could be used to catapult you across big gaps.

I did one which is both hard and also boring, using just one platform element and a few coins. Took me 163 goes to do it before I could upload. It genuinely is tedious. One other person has completed it.

That planned parenthood demolishing some wanker politician video is my new jam.