When I was a little kid, probably about five, I had a dream that I went downstairs in my regular house and in the kitchen met a friendly anthropomorphic polar bear wearing a sweater. He asked if I wanted to go to the North Pole, and what kid is going to pass up that opportunity? So we walked there. I was wearing…

It’s a start.

No one will be president after.

Not enough Gritty in this season preview.

Fuck the Vikings for losing this game in such pathetic fashion that it forced me to confront the fact that I fucking detest every single person involved with my favorite team so much I’m no longer capable of enjoying a clean win.

They’re a minority nationally, definitely, but they’re hugely powerful within the GOP and potentially even a majority of that party (I don’t have survey data handy, but I’d believe it from anecdotal experience). They have enough numbers that, especially when you factor in their fanaticism, you can’t tell an accurate…

I agree with that assessment among Democrats and anyone even vaguely left-leaning. I think to minimize the depth and intensity of Clinton Hatred on the right leaves out a key part of recent history, though.

A surprisingly large number of people really do hate the Clintons as much as Splinter seems to think everyone does, but the vast majority of those are on the right and do so for wild, conspiratorial reasons. “Hillary is a lesbian Stalin clone created by Satan himself in an East German lab to ABOLISH RELIGION and…

Meh, he’s entitled to his tastes. As for me: still like weird beer, still like Jim Gaffigan. Any other take strikes me as... well, insane.

“I don’t like Trump, I just agree with 98% of what he says and 100% of what he does. Also, all of Trump’s critics except me are unreconstructed Stalinists and/or sexual deviants, so the defense of Judeo-Christian Values compels me to oppose them more than I oppose Trump. My lofty, intellectual conservatism is…

“How do you do, fellow non-reactionaries? As a lifelong Democrat, I agree with everything any member of the right or far-right says or does under any circumstances. I am very open-minded and absolutely not lying about my core beliefs.”

McDermott seems like a shitty boss.

It warms my heart because I’m a Bills fan.

Even if we ignore everything else shitty and annoying about Sean McDermott, his faith in Peterman up to this point demonstrates judgement bad enough to justify canning him.

Tyrod’s not the greatest quarterback in the world, but you can win games with him. What he was able to do last year with no receivers, a fairly weak line and being made to run an incomprehensibly disastrous offensive scheme (seriously, fuck Rick Dennison forever) was impressive. The front office and coaching staff…

Ah, so you’re an optimist. I went through the schedule and came up with 4-12 – and that was me trying to be generous.

My worst pet peeve is that I unconditionally despise emojis. Other people can use them if they like – and I won’t think less of them, because I recognize that I’m part of an extremely small minority on this – but I’ll use my words like a goddamned literate adult. I will die on this hill.

Taking a quote from a Zombie Simpsons episode and using it to defile a screencap from “Steamed Hams”? Devilish for sure, but not delightfully devilish.