Well, Jesus. Here I am using mine to mark my territory like a schmuck. :/

That explains the excruciating stinging I feel when I put it on, right?

I’d obsess over these guys, easily.

Not... yet. Not that I need much convincing to have a pancake. OMG PANCAKES.

Ah yes. The 2am “It’s dark and I can’t SEE you, even though I’ve placed all my body weight squarely on that one spot of your chest that really hurts.” call.

Mine tried a couple of times, but the last place had ants. I could always tell when a cat got a hold of one because there’d be this funny “NYAHT!” noise, then a cat frantically flicking their tongue for a few seconds and looking confusedly at the floor. They don’t eat bugs quite so much anymore.

One of mine talks to walls. I’m not really sure what is going on, but he’s quite literally traumatized by the fact that there is a wall separating the kitchen and the hallway. Sometimes he sits in the corner opposite the wall and complains there too. I’m starting to wonder which of us is going to need therapy first.

Meanwhile, my two wonderfully Canadian cats are either too polite or too inept to kill anything. I watched them both watch a beetle make its way across the hallway in my apartment last night for about half an hour before they both got bored and went to sleep. I ended up taking the poor little bugger outside and…

Dickprint.

Sssssh! Only one of them is usable, so only one of them has value! ;)

Also: Cars first, then the dogs. Priorities. Oh, Lordy.

I am the proud owner of one of these. I bought it because I had $40 and nothing better to buy and I like cows. I actually have two, one has a broken tail. Not from USE or anything like that, but because I had it on top of my microwave and after SOMEONE closed the door too hard, Little Milky went on a suicide mission…

I tried that early on. There’s a few times I’d yell ‘OMG CAT” and they look around hurriedly like “OMG WHERE?”

Brilliant! I chose wonderfully lovely names for my two monsters, Hazel and Merlot, and they are now affectionately known as Little Grey Witch and The Shithead. Sometimes, they choose their own names. :3

Please tell me his name is Hors Doe.

Hiya! I bet if you called your local hotel/church/whatever, and told them you needed to have a party for roughly 150 people next saturday with full catering and a DJ, they’d cackle at you and tell you they can book it for 2016. THAT’S why you start planning a year in advance.

I sometimes wonder (as a non-parent, but looooots of little cousins) if people realize when they have kids that regardless of whether they are special needs or not, for at least the first 3-4 years of that child’s life, the absolute best thing you can do is establish a routine and stick to it? Sometimes, lots of the…

Or the fact that Cheese Whiz is apparently 2 molecules removed from liquid plastic. You’ll still pry it from my cold, dead hands though!

Yeah, I slipped on a diaphragm this morning getting out of the tub. Don’t tell this guy or he might have a new angle to work.

Now, “smuggling drugs” is the term I read about (only 3 monthis into this K-pop thing, so I’m going on old articles), but wasn’t it a prescription drug that she was given in the States to treat an old injury (soccer?) and it just so happens it’s illegal in Korea and nobody knew when she tried to enter the country with…