IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

I think it’s my friend Monica? Which is cool. Monica is cool.

You have obviously never been in love, poor dear.

Somehow I don’t see Taylor Swift going for a ‘chunky’ ring. Does not seem her speed. I need these lies to be either more entertaining or more believable.

DOUBLE CREATURE I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I EVER SAID ABOUT YOU

Who would have guessed that the girl we described, was just exactly what Ben’s penis prescribed? Now Jen Garner found her disgusting - she let her go! And now Ben’s on top of her thrusting - His rep says ‘no!’ She’s the lady in bed, next to Ben Affleck: the man of her dreeeeeeams.

Don’t get me wrong, this guy is a nasty cruel sack of shit who probably needs to kill defenseless animals to compensate for his small penis. That said, over on Deadspin they’re calling for the guys address as well as his name. Sorry, but we don’t need his wife and children to be harrassed by the internet mob because…

And what does the autopsy really tell us? She’s been in a coma for like 6 months, no? Wouldn’t most stuff have healed?

In reference to the Shia post, as a naturally aggressive person who has had to train myself not to respond the way I feel innately, I can understand how it might feel like a person is pushing you out of your comfort zone into another realm. HOWEVER, it’s not a good idea to talk about killing folks and domestic…

Those foil cutters are the best! Oh my god, are we going to have an argument? Do I need to take my earrings off? Because those fuckers are ACE, man! Mainly because I have precisely zero hand-eye coordination. Trying to use the tip of the corkscrew inevitably means half an hour of grim scraping, a minor psychotic…

Jessica, I see your set of mini cocettes and raise you this:

A friend has a special utensil to pick olives out of a jar when a fork or spoon will suffice. She has every ridiculous gadget and it just irritates me to the point that I will throw my fat chubby fingers in the olive jar and plop them in her martini. I tell her that the alcohol will kill the germs as she looks…

My oyster knife. I never have oysters at home; do I have it in case of a shellfish uprising?

And will be a virgin after several years of marriage to him, no doubt.

Miscavige and Cruise are in agreement. Kissing girls is icky.

opposite sex

So you think it would be better if they were separated from their father who couldn’t visit them because she had his visa revoked? How do you think an online petition would help in a custody battle? And do you really think custody matters should be decided on how many people sign an online petition? Have you actually…

My mom definitely was naked around me and would occasionally take baths with me. But it was always very clear that this was okay because she was my Mom and that it wasn’t something that was for everyone. It also wasn’t like a “naked house” situation. It’s not like she was nude all the time. But if she was going to…

For just about everything except ketchup.