It would make me happy if he didn’t dump his girlfriends as soon as they turn 25.

I would sway my own grandmother if she came back as a fruit fly.

He was really, really good in Call Me By Your Name. And he’s pretty self deprecating. I’ll save my scorn for more deserving targets (LEO).

OH MY GOD

In my final pregnancy, the baby at 20 weeks laid on my urethra and sent me into preterm labor from the pain. I had three prior pregnancies and i still didn’t know how dangerous that could be. Good thing my body was like, “fuck you, woman, I’m going to vomit until you get me to a goddamn hospital!” And I did, and…

Haha, “my body didn’t know shit...”

That’s just a hellish birth scenario! I’m so glad you both made it out safe. 

Preach

I had a female taxi driver tell me once that I wasn’t really a mother because I hadn’t experienced labor pains like God decreed all mothers should. So I guess these three tiny people who are trying to crawl INSIDE ME RIGHT NOW are some little weirdo strangers?

People always act like OBs are just itching to cut their patients open. Perhaps there are some who are hot on the trigger, but most, if not all of them have also watched moms and babies die. I can’t say that I wouldn’t be leaning towards caution if it were my call. 

Dang, those are some juicy newborns! 😍 I’m glad they all made it okay!

I’d want to strangle her, too! As if mom and baby being safe wasn’t the most important outcome  

Awwwww! The singing! My baby doesn’t talk much but he sings almost constantly. I’ve heard it referred to as audiation - the aural equivalent of imagination. It’s so magical. 

I wish that my three children didn’t require surgical intervention to enter the world. The havoc those C sections have wreaked on my back and abs can’t be overstated.

What the actual fuck

Hey, from a straight, white, cis lady to anyone who needs it:

Congratulations! If you end up with a c-section, spring for the AbdoMend recovery kit. It’s pricey but will save your poor back. And don’t be afraid to push back on your nurses a bit if you don’t understand something or think something isn’t right - my baby had to be on the bili lights for jaundice and he seemed…

Just reading Jenelle’s name makes me reflexively cringe. 

Thank you for including Closer! I don’t see US and Prople covering GLENN CLOSE’S DARING CULT ESCAPE

The fact that you even had to ask that let’s me know your gut is leaking like a sieve.