I have the stupid avocado slicer. I bought it for myself. Why, self? Was I really struggling with slicing avocados before?

And the dipshits who fill the comments with “oh, no, hunny! What’s wrong? I think you’re amazing!” No. Stop. You do not get my sympathy for passive aggressively fishing for support.

A family friend wrote the screenplay for the first movie. I was like, “STU, DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO MY CHILDHOOD?!”

I’m a few weeks away from delivery, and I’m feeling oddly calm about labor. Yes, it will hurt, but pain is just pain. I’ll get an epidural if it’s too much. Better to be as relaxed about the whole process as possible than stressed about doing it the “right” or “wrong” way.

He's gay. Except for me, of course.

Maybe I made that up. I thought I read it somewhere, but I'm not seeing anything either. Fever dream, probably.

Every classically beautiful Hollywood lesbian /bi lady like Amber heard or Margot Robbie gets this treatment. Like, “are you suuuure you wouldn’t rather be fucking dudes? Maybe the one right in front of you?”

Club promoters? Shady?

Ben Mendelsohn deserves all the awards for Bloodline. You can just watch his heart break behind his eyes without his face ever changing. He was spellbinding.

Best case scenario: those duffel bags are full of dead squirrels. Absolute best case. You STILL can't ignore that shit.

“Will you wash this bloody-”

Taking pleasure in another person‘s pain is wrong. But Donald Trump is a sentient clump of wig discards held together by spray tan and false confidence. I’m not entirely sure he’s actually capable of bleeding.

Nothing makes me happier than seeing Donald Trump bleed money. Not that it's a new feeling for him, but still.

How was Marcel the monkey to work with (a total fucking diva, I'll bet!)

Hey Paul LeBlanc! I'm sure your son is everything you say he is. You know how people turn out this way? By having fucking parents who will sell them out to the tabloids for a buck!

Okay, Camille. Your turn!

I do have the impossible task of dividing my attention between things. I can only care about one thing at a time, and today it’s wondering how Margot Robbie’s rat is wearing its hair. Maybe tomorrow I'll care about space? Unless another celebrity pet makes news.

My friend plays Aaron! I'm so excited for him and for anyone who works on this show!

Did you enjoy the Nina Simone one? It's on my list but I haven't seen it yet.

I think she wished that, too. She says on a video in the documentary that if she became famous she’d “go mad”.