You know all the cool people are in Hell, while Heaven is a polite, staid affair with waiting room music.

Satan is at least willing to cut a deal, where God just smites you and is like, “I dunno. My will is unknowable.”

I started reading Cosmopolitan as a teen. I was certainly too inexperienced (and would remain so for a gooood loooooooong while) to know how much bullshit is in there, but it certainly didn’t lead me to go seeking out sex. In fact, it actually stopped me from having sex earlier than I otherwise might have. They had a…

Well, I can see you’ve successfully been corrupted by Dairy Queen’s prurient advertising. You know where ice cream melts? In Hell.

I thought she mentioned on the podcast that in addition to the mica on the underskirt the cloth was woven with metallic thread. I think she had the bolt sitting in her office. Maybe I’m confusing it with something else.

Darts! DAAARTS! Every clothing designer in America think my boobs are an adorable b-cup that sit just below my chin.

My nipples wince every time I look at that.

This dress makes me swoon! It also must weigh about 3 tons, being made from metallic cloth.

The practicality of the solutions he proposes has not changed. I'm rooting for a Cruz/Trump ticket.

Has your daughter in law tried essential oils?

“I forgot to bring the appetizer that I promised to your potluck ” is an “OK, she’s human” moment.

I re-grew a limb by avoiding GMOs!

The town everyone's buzzing about (due to our reputation for rape, but the seed kind. And also honey)!

I, for one, think we deserve to know the truth about what happened to Doggie! Mila Kunis sounds like a predator to me and she should face justice!

I think it’s more an issue of setting limits, though I don’t personally care what this (or any mom) decides to do in this regard. For my kid, I want her to understand as early as possible what’s appropriate for different places and situations, and eating in the bathroom isn’t something I’m going to encourage. That…

Nothing screams vengeance like creating 18-year obligations of phsyical, financial, and emotional need. You sure showed them!

Auuugh, doTerra! Someone selling them sent me a complimentary set of 12 or so, which must cost a fortune. I think she was hoping I’d insist on paying her for them, but I didn’t. They do nothing but provide the illusion of taking action and there’s no way I’d shell out good money for that when I could spend it on…

I’d kind of like to stop him from having kids. If this didn’t reek of a bald-faced attempt to control/swipe at his ex, I’d say, move along, brother! Find another woman! But in this case, I hope they both dig their heels in and he decides never to have children unless he can have THESE children, and so he never has…