At the grocery store the other day a guy interrupted my toilet paper reverie to tell me to, "Smile, beautiful." I was caught off guard and also not really willing to oblige him, and I ended up grimacing like a frightened Chihuahua. His face! He was horrified by my "smile". I'm going to make that my go-to move from now…

There are no words for this loss for humanity. We are all diminished by this act, some of us in very palpable and immediate ways.

No one could have been more perfect as Colleen Donaghy on 30 Rock.

the logic checks out!

Yep! They're like Highlanders - there can only be one.

Bewbs for Beebus

Hopefully that's not a recent photo, if they are trying to support the claim that that woman is seven months pregnant. I mean, I know some women carry small, but being that tiny at seven months must be pretty rare.

Resubmitting my comment from this morning's Dirt Bag:

That is amazing! I had never seen that before.

So I shouldn't be coaching my 8 month old daughter on how to catch his eye (and his HEART)?

Every time I see a headline about Miley Cyrus and the Flaming Lips, I wonder why more people aren't asking what the hell is going on with Wayne Coyne. Maybe most people don't care who he is. Allow me to present some facts ("facts". Internet facts.)

I also think it tastes better. I don't consume it frequently, and I would never consider giving it to my kid or having it while pregnant. It's one of those things that, when I come across raw milk every few years, I might take a swig just to live dangerously.

Read my unbiased research at LouisPasteurWasAMassMurderer.net.

What a nightmare. An actual nightmare. For someone to violate the trust you've placed in them for caring for your most precious, most irreplaceable love... I can hardly think about it.

I'd like to know more about this shady Miles character before he's cleared of all charges.

Trying too hard to get attention. Three cleavage selfies in a row starts to reek of desperation. If she were my teenage daughter, we'd be having a talk about seeking adoration from the internet.

Madonna, you don't have to try so hard. You're Madonna! You don't have to try at all!

No, she and her doctors have no idea what's good for the baby. I, random internet commenter who just polished off a box of Swiss Cake Rolls, know best. Why doesn't she love her baby?!

I mean, my boogers are organic. My farts are even organic! Free range, too.

Congress barely passed the Farm Bill this year. I don't disagree with you, but shit. If Congress is our only hope? We are fucked.