Also, WHY DOES SHE THINK SHE HAS TO BITE THE CORD?! We have implements made for this very purpose that would do the job much more neatly and cleanly than her filthy, germ-riddled mouth would.

The fuck?

That's so terrible, and I'm so sorry you are all dealing with that. Especially those kids. I would be very concerned about him getting full custody (though that's not to say do nothing - he will have full custody if your sister dies.) I would talk to a family lawyer in your area about the likelihood of getting the…

I would also add pomegranate seeds to the list of things that go well in an apple crumble. The seeds soften up in the oven, so you're spared the crunch of the raw pomegranate seed that many find annoying.

BRB, need to go have a talk with Mom.

I, too, complained at my mom when I saw the mullet she let me walk around with as a kid. What I was not saying at any point was, "Why didn't you sneak in my room when I was asleep and cut my hair off?!"

How shocked would we all be if she left her hotel wearing a t-shirt and jeans?

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

Straight to hell, clearly.

Augh, the kissing of the belly! It's so weird. My husband doesn't even kiss my belly, so other people doing it feels especially intimate in all the wrong ways.

Ah, this is welcome! Not sure if it needs to be illegal per se, but maybe if it would have prevented me from getting pinned into a corner by a drunken female acquaintance who would NOT STOP KISSING MY BELLY, maybe I'd feel differently.

Is it? I've never seen it, but I remember reading that anecdote somewhere. Somewhere.

My favorite version of this (and I can't recall at the moment where I heard this anecdote) was from a guy who was a TA for a large college 101-type class.

One more time, for the cheap seats in the back:

Oh, wow. Stunning! Why am I not looking like this right now?

Honestly, I can't bring myself to care about him one way or the other anymore. That might be the worst fate for someone like him - public apathy.

Ugh, that's revolting behavior. Like, what are you supposed to do about it? Every time a man is interested in you say, "Thanks, but my friend over here deserves your attention more."

No one ever gives men shit for "dating up", as they say.

I think I just voted for you?

I would like to see a Jaden/Caden/Aiden report.