Attended Game 5 of the 1996 NLCS in Busch Stadium. Watched the Cardinals get their dicks stomped in 14-0 by the Braves only to lose the next two games 3-1 and 15-0. I still have my ticket signed by Rick Honeycutt and Gary Gaetti to commemorate the occasion.

1000% chance John is from Missouri

I’m highly fortunate that I work for a company that offers insanely generous parental leave. The primary caregivers get 16 weeks fully paid, and the secondary caregiver gets 4 weeks paid. The primary/secondary usually only comes into play with husbands and wives that both work here. Most of the news dads around here…

You could keep it in your pocket when they get back to the top of the lineup and bat out of order again...because Mets.

Cabrera doesn’t become the proper batter until the next hitter receives a pitch. Flores could then replace Bruce because Flores would be the new proper batter. Either way, what a clusterfuck.

St. Louis also has Raising Cane’s if you’re willing to risk taking a bullet. We also have Lion’s Choice, which is a hidden gem in this shithole.

Bonus points if it’s a taylor-made double play ball!

I currently work with Joe Bevis’s wife...spoiler: she’s pretty fuckin hot.

As a Cardinals fan, I’m pretty disappointed our third baseman didn’t opt for Gyork Store.

+1 crash bomb

+4πr²

SHOW ME POTATO SALAD!

PHRASING!

+1 shitload of dimes

“He never liked going with the driver”

Counterpoint: It’s incredibly fucking stupid.

Jesus. No one at Deadspin comes to your job and tells you how to operate the Tilt-A-Whirl.

How does washers not make the list?

Yellow dogs are the best