Also how dare you insult my girlfriend. Everyone knows that she’s not required to be a great actress because her mega babeliness makes up for it 10 fold. Love you boo 😻

As a fellow anxiety sufferer, stop drinking diet coke which, along with mountain dew, contains the highest levels of caffeine in mainstream soda. At least when you’re seeing a scary as hell movie. Also, one word my friend... klonopin

In no way perfect considering all of the times a body cam was conveniently turned off or “not charged” but definitely an improvement.

Oh I’m not really a shy person. I picked the vibrating vamp one. It really appealed to me because the dimensions are very similar to my partner’s penis and then I realized that they have a “grab bag” section with deep discounts and it was on there. Excited to find out what color(s) I get.

Well I’m very excited to announce that I have ordered a tantus dildo. Thanks for your help.

Goddammit I’m turning into a Ryan Reynolds fan exclusively because of his dumb tweets.

The Golden Girls are my spirit animal

I think she the actress was actually the youngest Golden Girl

I feel like “flicking the bean” should be a slang term for fucking up.

You hit the nail on the head

I once drunkenly left a bag of cat food and some cat toys at a bar and of course they were gone the next day. Fucking cat food.

Sadly, yes

Or when dudes slap their dick against your clit a la mainstream pornography? These children need better sexual guidance.

I love Laffy taffy jokes #notbeingironic

...a hated minority in their own country.

In totally unrelated news, a mass exodus of lib’rals has occurred. True, red-blooded Americans couldn’t be happier.

Yep. I know what sort of porn I like but masturbating with my hands or a vibe that’s only for my clitoris isn’t satisfying

Hey thanks! This is great advice. I’m very lucky in that I easily orgasm from penetration but I’ve always felt like it makes masturbation more difficult. Like, I’ll get bored and just stop. Often.

Hello Jezzies! What’s you’re favorite sex toy that provides good vaginal stimulation? Asking for a friend *cough*

Selena: This bitch farted, didn’t she?