My friend and I ganged up on her husband INSISTING that Colorado (his home state) had to be a part of the Midwest (because its middle and west amirite?). Dude was not having it- I guess it’s called the Rocky Mountain region.

I don’t know why but I just had to Google “sex toy fairy”. Apparently they are the most adorable pastel pink and white vibrators.

Anthrax

The flavor explosion that happens in your mouth?

There was a 5 month period where I found sex toys on the street three different times. One was a teeny tiny little anatomically correct dildo (it was like 3”), one was a mega cock dildo, and I found a treasure trove that included: a bullet vibe with a wire leading to a controller, a plastic purple vibe, a silicone…

I don’t wear brassieres ever since I read a study on the high correlation between boulder holders and breast cancer.

The previous owner of the grenade thinks that McDonald’s is the bomb.

When will this fucking end? What a goddamn monster. Whenever new women come forward, my chest tightens and I want to scream.

Man:

I’m copying and pasting from an earlier reply of mine:

I’m not sure where the emoji for “there was never any money so I didn’t go” is.

Yoko’s telling us to go to a rave

I’m an underboob sweater. Yeah, it’s pretty cool

“Parmigiano-Reggiano is produced *exclusively* in the provinces of Parma, Reggio Emilia, Modena and parts of the provinces of Mantua and Bologna, on the plains, hills and mountains enclosed between the rivers Po and Reno”

Who fucking wants to watch high def porn? I do not want to see all of your ball wrinkles or the ingrown hairs you get from your bikini waxes. Thanks but no.

Like to imagine her as a real life Bridget Jones.

Daphne Aguilera is reminding me of another lesser known pop queen, Christeene (with such hits as “Tears from my Pussy”)