Good god, what stopped you from grabbing him midair and said, “HAHA, LOOK, HE’S FLYING NOW, HAHA D:< “ How rude of the mom :(

There’s an episode of Rugrats about that..? :(

I happen to think that Orlando Bloom is an objectively *not so great* actor. He’s pretty good at standing about on set and looking dramatic when asked, though. He did well in LOTR because the whole fantasy world had been built around him. All he needed to do was stare off into space in a wig and pretty contacts and…

A guy once got on the elliptical next to me and asked what I was reading. I told him the title and went on with it. Then he decided to ask 10 questions, rapid fire, including “where do you live” and “what is your book about.” I told him, “I have no idea what this book is about because you keep talking to me.” He…

Agree! It’s like they never learned any tailoring... :( I hate watching them go “BAWWWW MY AESTHETIC” when an actual person is standing there, knowing that their designer dislikes their body. It’s like design school killed any empathy they once had for others

Tangent: I met someone who didn’t like A Serious Man because it was too Jewish for him (?). He stopped dating because a woman was mean to him once, too.

Every year is a nuclear arms race with friends, family and coworkers where you have to figure out who is exchanging gifts and when and how much to spend without really talking about it. SMH

I keep imagining it saying “Peeple” in a bird-like fashion, and it is so cute. D:

All of that sounds like a maidenform ad for training bras

I’m disappointed, actually, I thought it was really funny. :( I’m planning to dress as Sexy Bradley Cooper’s American Sniper, baby doll and everything, and am only willing to say so on this Gawker account because it is probably way “worse” than a dead lion.

Sometimes when I see stories like this, I secretly hope that the police took him out back and beat the everloving shite out of him

So now self-reflection is “satanic”...WTG, Christianity’s dregs, you can’t even trust yourselves to think on your own.

The funny bit for me is that my religion teacher in Catholic hs taught us how to meditate and we did it at least once a week. Atheist Amaries ignored the Jesus stuff she said during meditation and took…

I just grin condescendingly and say, “yes, that’s right, Jesus was real person in history” over and over again while whoever is at my door tries to find out whether or not this means Jesus is my LARD AND SOOVIER. Eventually they get mad and walk off.

Next time I will show them my Wall of Satanic Offerings, on which…

Why do Christians always depict Ben Franklin as being on their side when he was the biggest, secular France-living slut of America

I’m far too lazy to pack my own lunch...I keep raw almonds in my desk, eat those all day, then go home and eat 1600 calorie breakfast-for-dinners. Sometimes I bring leftover tofu and salad.

The best bit is that my many handfuls of almonds contain more calories, fat, and protein than the weird microwave soups and nonfat…

Why DO customers always think everyone is lying to them? Particularly when they haven’t half a clue what they want but still think they know how it ought to be done

I love that the all-powerful and generally unapologetic Vatican PR machine is distancing itself from Kim Davis. Incredible. Their series of statements certainly make her and her team look silly. I hope they’re as embarrassed as they should be because the Church didn’t mind being associated with molestation as much as…

Half my brain has died because of my job and I now enjoy playing Line Play, an avatar style game for 12 year olds.

His cubicle is probably full of post-it note doodles and origami animals from all brain juice left over from helping people view PDFs.

Uh...I don’t understand the outrage? Obviously those products are gummy snacks. The bit where they list the ingredients (with anger) bothers me a lot. Like, what, you thought DIFFERENT forms of sugar were healthy...and...less full of sugar? Even though they’re still sugar? >_> I like the Annie’s ones because they’re…

Why in the ever-loving fuck would someone decide to take up an entire sidewalk with their stupid battle stroller. Talk about Manifest Destiny amirite