That’s a way more advanced aerial maneuver than a sky dick.

ESPN 5: THE CINCO

I’m going to take lessons at the local Ford dealer, they have a sweet Focus RS to teach me in

Seriously, just turn around and walk away.

You must be short. Or perhaps have not flown on a plane within the last two decades or so. As a tall person, I will argue against that. Legroom is precious.

I am more than just M’Kay with this!

I asked my 7 year old daughter to brush her teeth, she said she didn’t want to, I said she had to, she said “it’s my body and I decide what it does.”

* For congested, failing, american roads where you have to drive your kids to school every day averaging less than 30mph.

Hey baby, can you dig your man?

It’s like that time I said to her “Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot!”

Well, he did almost write her off...

I need to know if the fuel tanks are full or empty before voting.

I love how upset North Americans get over having to run a front plate on their cars. You guys really know how to get worked up about nothing because “it’s taking away your rights” compared to just ignoring all actual problems.

I remember hearing him on a sports talk radio show in 2007 while driving cross country he was so candid and entertaining it bummed me out he was the QB of the Dallas fucking Cowboys. Wish he got to play somewhere else so he wouldnt have that stigma attached to him. That said fuck the Cowboys 

You could say this before the kickoff of every single Lions game and it would be accurate.

Because penis.

None of those “what ifs” happened though. He hit a pothole at 19mph, if you can’t design an airbag system that can tell the difference between that and the car flipping over, try harder or let someone else design it.

That’s what she said.

The author must have a blindspot for Mazda.