Obviously Kellen Winslow Jr. is a dangerous person who should at the very least be in a psychiatric hospital, but this story definitely made me look up the scene in Slap Shot! where Joe McGrath tells Reg about the time Eddie Shore sent him the chronic masturbator who’d get deliberate penalties to go sit in the box and…

You are a true hero

How can you criticize a guy who is always pulling for his teammates?

Later on in his career, after being sent to Tampa Bay via trade, Winslow acquired a life-sized silicone mold of a woman’s torso—complete with vagina and anus—to bring with him on road trips, according to one former assistant coach.

I can understand packing a fleshlight to use discreetly on the road, but it takes a psychopathic level of commitment to one’s masturbation habits to travel with a lifesize replica of a headless, limbless woman to fuck right there in front of others.

It’s a lock that this story is going to get weirder before it gets normaler. 

“You do it.”

whose efforts were allegedly coordinated by an individual who was paid about the equivalent of $7,800 to mastermind the job

And in a crowded building under camera surveillance, in a block crammed with traffic, in a downtown area!

The master plan of six to ten people was to have one guy walk up to Ortiz and shoot him in the back?

Those clowns hired the wrong guy for the job. Everybody knows who the best designated hitter is.

Soccer needs goal horns like hockey. I think goals deserve a nice foghorn.

KD is going to play 6 minutes in game 5, be a -50 and then explode both Achilles. He'll then sign a super max contact with the Knicks. 

Same.  So quick follow up question: Don’t you find tearing the paper rather difficult one-handed? You go to give the 2-8 (depending on brand and ply count) squares a little tug to tear them, and goddamn if you don’t end up watching the roll unravel.  Solution please?

This isn’t Vietnam, there are rules.

Neither. I hit Answer, hold the phone squarely in front of my face and start yelling at whoever had the temerity or bad judgment to try and reach me by phone.

We had a two piece phone when I was a boy. Which sat on a little table in the foyer by the front door. And next to it was always a pad of paper and a pencil, in case Mr. Roosevelt called to say that we were at war with Germany.

Protect the Gravel teens at all costs.

Don’t worry. They aren’t going to win.

I’m sure this is the best enforcement that the NBA could have possibly done to this clown but fining a billionaire $500k is really just the equivalent of a helicopter parent going into their child’s school an accosting the lunch lady then being banned from the school for a year and being assessed a $5 fine afterwards.