I ask this in both awe and kindness: How are you alive!?! Truly, you are a testament to the endurance of our species.

I really dig the “head wrapped in a plastic bag” look in the first photo. I think it speaks to the suffocating nature of both the bridal industrial complex and the institution of marriage.

iTunes or Amazon.

It is! Madmartigan is bae.

He looks better with dark hair anyway.

“A hell of a lot better than this is.”

Most of my jewelry is just pretty stuff that I enjoy wearing. There are those pieces that have deep, emotional connections though. For a stranger to claim that as theirs, if only temporarily, is a severe breach of intimacy. It would be like asking a stranger about their most painful memory and then insinuating…

It’s mostly an umbrella term that describes a lot of theologies/practices/beliefs/etc. that roughly relate to one another.

If he doesn’t make it to the Supreme Court, he could always open a day care!

This is a point of contention between the husband and I. Ketchup is only acceptable on a hotdog if you are under the age of thirteen. And you better plan on packing a suitcase before you put that ketchup on that corn dog.

Well, duh! When a guy helps you out, you are required to do him a sex.

Eh, I thought it was Reeves also.

Super green.

Right. Just say BLACK PEOPLE. We know that’s what you mean because Trump seems to think all black people live in the inner city next to the Mexicans.

I had a dermal piercing by my right cheekbone removed yesterday. It had been two and a half years and the jewelry was well on its way to migrating out of my skin. So I went in to my preferred professional piercing parlor to have it removed. And guess what! They unscrewed the jewel from the post and pulled that mother…

Unless you’re fat. Then you’ll need to buy a second seat on your own dime.

Jealousy is how assholes experience admiration.