Isn't that the place the restaurant in Roseanne was based off of?

Yeah, but these fools that suck at sports (and likely read sports blogs to satisfy their dwindling testosterone) and get paid a pittance to shift packages around the globe all day think they're being cool. That's all that matters, right?

FedEx disagrees.

he gave me a slice, which was so nice of him! Especially because I told him up front why I was asking, so it wasn't as if he thought he was actually going to sell me a giant hunk of it. Do cheesemongers work on commission?

Thanks. I forgot this is Jezebel, where we're all a bit nicer.

They have access to private jets that can get you somewhere 1.5 to 2 times faster with none of the hassle. Said jets usually have divans that easily convert into beds so you can fly overnight and still sleep peacefully. If you're on a BBJ you even have a private suite with a shower.

Private jets get you very far, very fast. Plus, depending on your star power you can build days long breaks into your shooting schedules. What's interesting is one mag has them in their worst fight ever and their competitor has them in their hottest phase ever. Which is it?

You'd hate me then... I have freckles and can be in the sun for hours.

You ever manage to get out of that trailer park of yours?

Because equality is still not a thing... so famous people coming out pushes the movement forward in its own way.

We all think we're straight before we admit that we're gay. I personally know very few people that did not have a "straight stage," whether they were actively boning girls or just pretending to.

That's because we take into account the likely millions of guys living in the closet. You cannot deny that there are a ton. Just look at Congressional scandals for a hint.

Gawker Media has always been a news aggregator that adds its own spin. Just like HuffPo, Buzzfeed and many other sites. You're just now realizing that?

Speaking of Presidential sex... I am all but certain that Barack and Michelle have had sex everywhere in the White House and on Air Force One.

Workaholics is the only reason I don't hate him.

Albert Burneko is an eating enthusiast and father of two. His work can be found destroying everything of value in his crumbling home. Peevishly correct his foolishness atalbertburneko@gmail.com, or publicly and succinctly on Twitter @albertburneko. You can find lots more Foodspin at foodspin.deadspin.com.

It's ironic, for sure. A lot of these Christians don't believe in contraception, since a book written 2000+ years ago told them that spilling your seed is abhorrent, an abomination, and God will strike you down if you waste it.

Who says they don't get real education?

Don't bring Rush Limbaugh's twelve ex-wives into this conversation.

None of them do any of that.