You throw the ingredients they ordered on the ground and then read them like entrails to figure out what they actually want on the sandwich.

Jesus. Plane trips are bad enough without random people fucking on them.

I suspect you and Juli the clerk might be using different versions of the bible? Juli’s spiritual authority is found in the Authorized Bigoted Fuckwit version, Book of Morons, chapter 1, verse 1, where it quite clearly states “Waaaahh, I don’t wanna”. I don’t see how one can argue with that ....

My vagina sometimes has some very stupid ideas (see: most of my ex-lovers) but it is not tall enough to vote on its own, and also it’s not dumb enough to vote solely for people who share an arrangement of genitals with me. (Because let’s face it, the odds of either party running a trans person for national office is…

Just exploring the option that perhaps it was a defense mechanism on the vagina’s part. It say Brody’s face barrelling towards it and secreted a garbage smell to save itself, like a skunk or a squid would do. I’d like to think lil Snacky would have my back in a similar situation...

Ooooooh. I like the idea of him going to jail immediately upon entry much better!

What does she mean by “My husband was convicted” here? I’m not religious so I’m not sure if it’s a bible term I’m not aware of or what. I’m picturing her husband walking through the door and immediately getting arrested and going to jail, but I think I’m probably wrong about that...(?)

To quote “Steel Magnolias”, the dudes playing Danny, Joey, and Uncle Jesse all look like they were carved out of cream cheese.

She’s just tired from traveling back to 1990 all the time to maintain that hairdo.

“sometimes I take a poop in my hand and then eat it”

He has a face that looks like the result of Gary Shandling mating with a pig.

When I was in high school, one day I forgot my lunch money back at home. I failed to realize this until I go to the lunch room and stand in line, they were just about to throw away the food (which I think is another stupid policy that lots of schools have if a student can’t cover it) when a janitor came over and said…

and some people, like 28-year-old Tennessee resident Anna Thomas,do thirteen cans of whip-its at 9 am and crash into a mailbox

I printed mine off the computer on regular paper and shoved them in an envelope. That’s probably akin to committing murder in their world.
It’s OK, I can always do better at my next wedding (shoot me, not gonna happen).

I think its the opposite: I always think Mama Duggar’s hair looks like she’s in a Whitesnake video. Like she’s the “before” and then Tawny Kitaen is the “after” in the schoolgirl-to-slut transformation.

I know this is kinda mean, but whatever: Jim Bob has always reminded me of a ham wearing a toupee. There is just something about his face that is so ham-like.

That’s so weird. I live in Seattle and most of the kids around here either walk or take public metro buses to school. My bus to work is always full of kids.

I once tried to buy a service man a drink at an airport. He was in uniform, drinking, and it was maybe 9am? I wasn’t judging, I was going to drink too! (Drinking at airports = different rules.) The guy ended up buying my drinks and left a super generous tip. AND my flight was mostly empty (this was a million years…

Cops HATE Her! Baltimore Prosecutor Holds People Responsible for Killing a Guy With This One Weird Trick.