It’s never made sense to me, since you chew tobacco, not “dip” it. (Dip it in what? Ranch dressing?)

Sometimes, one isn’t intending to be a bag of dicks.

Thanks, but I’m just about done taking political advice from dead white guys.

And now poor Woodrow is dead.

When I was in high school, one of the girls in my choir was going to be gone for about a week for a family vacation. She told the school she was going to be out for oral surgery. The choir got together a bigass get well card and a bouquet of flowers, which we gave to her when she came back to school - all tan and…

Bobby this was so fucking funny! “Schindler’s Bike” made me spit out my tea.

A guy I worked with told me he was splitting wood in the back yard when his only child, then 4 years old, came up behind him, within axe back-swing range. He told the kid to stand farther back, took a couple more swings, then caught sight of movement in the corner of his eye. Kid was right back in the danger zone. He…

I've never been sent a love letter. I don't think love emails probably count although I could maybe print them out in a fancy font. My wardrobe has old paintings, yarn, and a werewolf mask. How's my adulting? Call 0800-1-D0NT-KN0W-WHAT-1M-D01NG

Rather than get upset over this douchebag's comments that make zero sense, instead I invite you all to laugh at this picture that makes zero sense.

I also had this thought along the lines of "You'd think that, of all places, Oklahoma would have laws against mules renting wigs."

Her hand got puffy from bitch-slapping so many haters.

Fox didn't change the filter they use to make Boehner look human instead of like a rotting tangerine.

Hey, hey, whoa there... i called dibs... my family dining BYOF chain PLATEWARE HOUSE opens internationally next week.

colin did you know that lobsters REALLY ARE undersea bugs tho

gonna go laugh at this forever bye

This is why my husband drinks campari. No sharing required.

Your husband is a wonderful evil man.

Frankly, the Golden is way smarter than the rest of them. There are a number of huge sausages just lying there, and no little treat or bit of play with one's owner is ever going to make up for just running past them.

It's a step up from "Sorry ur babies r dead hope u loose anyway lol," and he *did* spell lose correctly, you've got to give him that.