I think we all know who the true Sausage King of Chicago is.

Cold Colt 45 rates is right about where I’d like to be.  Double malt, please!

You mean people don’t want to make toast that requires 10 minutes (heating the skillet, melting the butter, and toasting on either side) as opposed to 2-3 in a toaster, needs a whole other loaf of bread, and means you have to wash dishes afteward? Craziness.

And I will always, ALWAYS have such respect for Kris Kristofferson for supporting and comforting her after she was booed at the Dylan tribute.

Exactly, this has been around for centuries, but wait until my Washington Post article on how I make coffee with both water and - wait for it....... - milk!!

Kelly notably announced last year that she was pulling her three kids out of their elite private schools because the schools had taken a “hard left,” 

Pfft, that’d be a trick, since everyone knows Megyn Kelly doesn’t have a heart.

Yes! Also, I’m that person at parties and happy hours pointing out that Madonna is on film in her own freaking documentary she had made about herself laughing out loud about her hairstylist’s rape...so, yeah.

“Why aren’t we all frying our toast?”

If you want your house to smell like Fritos get a binturong*. Binturong pee contains 2-acetyl-1-pyrrolinewhich (2AP) gives them their corn chip/popcorn smell. Their urine always ends up on their feet and tail. They then leave that smell on whatever they climb on, including you. If they are comfortable with you they…

I’m That Person at parties and happy hours because I point out that it was Sinead O’Connor who publicly called out the Catholic Church for sex abuse long before the Boston Globe ever did. The following year, a real estate developer found mass graves from the Magdalene laundries.

And post pandemic, we STILL don’t pay for health insurance if we can possibly avoid it!

Went on vacation with Mom and Kid earlier this month. Kid wanted to visit a locally owned/operated coffee shop. (They work at one here at home.) There was a sign saying (paraphrasing here) “We make each order fresh. It’s not fast food. There’s a McDonald’s for that.”

I have nothing but patience for people who work at restaurants. It’s tough work. I’m tipping better than I used to, these days.

I’m the beverage director at a small Italian restaurant in MA, and literally every. single. hour. we are open I either go running to the owner or she comes running to me to share the latest obnoxious, self-centered thing a guest has said or done. It is just an unceasing onslaught of bullshit, and even when it’s slow…

I’ve gotten so much crankier as I’ve gotten older. Kid flavors for vaping are bad and being outlawed left and right. But these flavors in alcohol are A-OK.

Fuck these people. It’s horrifying but unsurprising.

This is exactly what my father prepared me for by mocking me at age 18 for doctoring up my coffee until I learned to drink it black.  Its fuel and you want to be able to drink what is available at all times. 

So catchy, so utterly tone-deaf. This is going to be the summer soundtrack for the smuggest people you know.

“Kinyua recommends keeping the family jewels at least five centimeters away from your microwave while it’s operating.”