Schumer and Pelosi reminded me of how my parents looked when I was in high school, showing up the next morning after partying.

CK’s career has completely tanked and so he decided to change up and re-work his act to appeal to right wing a-holes. Forget clubs, the next move is a gig on Monday Night Football, a la Dennis Miller.

The white house needs a replacement for Sarah Sanders. I think this guy would be perfect for the job.

Pence, like everyone who works in this administration, is a B-team loser who would have never gotten a job at any other time. Sure, he’s loyal. It is also great for him to know that he’s just a bucket of chicken or a drug cocktail away from becoming the president of the United States.

The lopsided score points out that ‘Bama is a fraud, right?

Thanks for the tip. From now on, I’m streaming the audio from a Spanish language station whenever Collinsworth is on the air.

I put this game on with the sound off because my dog begins to whine and howl when he hears Collinsworth. So I was spared that but this was the most mind-numbingly boring game of the year. I took a few long breaks from it and did some honeydo chores which provided sweet relief. Right after installing the new kitchen…

I’ve never seen a kicker injure himself while kicking the football. Is this an NFL first?

Janikowski can serve as Oswalt’s body double if needed.

“Okerlund’s reputation took a temporary hit in the mid to late ’90s...”

Drake is just channeling his inner Rick James.

I used to love watching him play but all the coverage just sours everything. Why do we have to know what the players are thinking?

Yeah, no one give a shit about the Chargers in LA. The other team always has more fans at their home games. The silver lining to this is that the Chargers are a very good road team because they get so much practice at it.

We were the first to do this open toilet thing. —Malheur National Wildlife Refuge

People who hate pancakes either eat at shit restaurants or don’t know how to make them properly.

I lived on a ranch in Colorado for a couple of years. It would get so cold that we’d rev up our vehicles’ engines before going to bed, just to give them a little edge against the elements. We had one stretch of 10 days where it never got above zero. The cat’s water dish was frozen, you had to break the ice on the…

The only thing dumber than this “fight” is anyone who paid to watch it.

Great idea. Allen Iverson is the answer.

The upside of his trip is that cheeto put aside those claims that he chickened out of combat with the bone spurs ploy. “...if you would have seen what we had to go through, with the darkened plane with all windows closed, with no lights on whatsoever, anywhere, pitch black...” Pure hero.

First, that Sandra Locke obit and now this. The Hollywood Reporter sure employs some assholes.