Louise Belcher is going to be so pissed.

Thing about that is that aliens, at least, are real.

Don’t “this” a reply to your own post that you (presumably) got paid to write, you narc.

• will have half a penis (flaccid)
  

fuckin nascar drivers

Jeep Wranglers are pieces of shit on the road and are really only suitable for offroad use, but Jalopnik doesn’t shit the bed whenever a sorority girl drives one to Starbucks. So why doesn’t it work the other way around?

I’ve always been of the opinion that the crime is underusing a car, not overusing it. If you just park it, that’s lame, but if you go beyond what it was ever intended to do that’s usually awesome, as long as you don’t put innocent people at risk by doing whatever it is you’re doing.

I am going to play devil advocate but if they want to take their supercars on a cross China road trip and the cars get damaged than why does it matter. If they are enjoying the road trip and having fun then that is all that really matters. They should have used Porsche 911's though. I would not have trusted a Ferrari…

The Republican convention: Where the rules are made up and the points don’t matter.

No thanks.

You know every other school mom hates her, though, because she probably always gets the best parts in the school plays.

Chronic lyme is the best disease to fake if you’re both attention-seeking and incredibly lazy.

This is a very gentle, amusing hoax that hurt no one and I congratulate them both.

Well, I mean, I guess it isn’t exactly the shocker of the decade that anti-vaxxers might not know what “censorship” means.

...good for blowing your load AND loading your blow.

Don’t worry, the porn parody can’t be far behind.

You have to stick with the manly man’s Gawker properties narrative: Deadspin and Jalopnik are Good Blogs Frequented By Manly Men Who Have Disdain For Nerds, Geeks, Women, Liberal Hipsters, The Gays And SJWs.

I feel like Zack Snyder is really talented at some things, like supervising effects and production design, but directing movies should be left to humans.

I just copied that from the book jacket of Graham’s biography.

If you were going to murder someone this is EXACTLY what you’d say to throw off suspicion.