So she had to tie you up and force you to have sex with her, a woman of the female persuasion? Check your story, bro.

In the interest of brevity, Carson actually had this tattooed on his chest, so all he would need to do is rip his shirt open. Boom! Conversation: won.

Maybe if Starbucks donated a quarter to the Royal Canadian Legion from every cup, I could get behind that.

You know we wouldn’t even have snowflakes if it wasn’t for baby Jesus.

M is for Malpractice. Because it’s only a matter of time.

How about we just agree to leave religion out of it completely? Separation of church and state and whatnot, I believe some people may have heard of it (just not Ben Carson).

Alas, terrorism is over ever since Bush Jr. eradicated it, accounting and math are hard, and we need our mexican nannies and minimum wage workers! Gay stuff is icky though, as are dead fully formed babies, we can just feel it in our bones, so let’s vote on that platform instead.

Carson stabs guys, Santorum beats up ladies. Come on Trump, please don’t disappoint! Let’s rattle that closet and see what falls out.

It is the exact reverse in Canada. Coupons are the only thing that make BB&B shoppable :(

She actually stabbed him in self-defense and it was his belt buckle that saved his life. M. Night Shyamalan is writing the screenplay as we speak.

Epilogue to #2: Eventually when the truth comes out, he’ll say it was meant as an allegory, or about a friend of a friend of his, or that it “could easily have happened to a poor kid growing up in [name of dumpy area in town he is currently in on his book tour], with the temptation of satan around every corner.”

Exactly. The bigger the sinner, the better the redemption. Jesus works, hallelujah! Please make all checks out to CASH.

East & West coasts should just secede and join Canada. We’d welcome you.

If everyone quit riding bicycles because they fell down the first time, we would not have bikes. As was said up there, some people need to get over themselves.

I’ve seen many friends go through a multitude of different issues, whether it was cheating or substance abuse or abuse-abuse. Full disclosure: I’m gay. We (as a general community - I don’t personally relate to it all that much) are far more relaxed when it comes to sex than most in the straight community, especially…

Where the hell did I say accident? You’re putting words in my mouth just to be argumentative. If you don’t understand that a mistake is an error, which is in fact not a random series of events that cause an accident, then I can’t help your ignorance.

Sadly, the people charged with working for Tom don’t have an option to peace out (or at any rate, they genuinely don’t believe they have the option). So they would take their write up and do their RPF business and hope they can claw their way back up to their former stature eventually. Alternatively, they could say…

I haven’t actually, but just because I haven’t doesn’t mean I’m unable to see how it could happen. And nobody was ever talking about lack of self control (that something like this denotes a lack of self control is blindingly obvious, but thanks, captain), you’re just derailing things further. All that was said is that…

You only seem to be able to imagine a scenario where the sole way to cheat would be to plan it out and take a thousand steps and give it careful consideration. Your extremely narrow view prevents you from empathizing with anyone not in your exact situation (do you also want to abolish social security, welfare, planned…

Oh yeah, that’s literally the first course you’d give someone walking in off the street. Gotta go back to basics, Tom!