I love that when there’s a 5-4 ruling on gay marriage, it’s a tyrannical abuse of the judicial system and must be stopped, but if we were to have a 5-4 ruling outlawing abortion, it would be a glorious victory for the American justice system!

What in god’s name is going on here? Do I need to finally start watching soccer?

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha... dipshit.

And the difference between this and a stag party is what, exactly?

It’s not the grey t-shirt that the algorithm uses to identify Mark, it’s the matted hair, greasy, pallid skin, awkward posture and visible pit stains that identify Mark from behind. They were just trying to be tactful about it when they pitched the idea to his face.

Are we expected to believe the guys at her school are just walking around shirtless all the time?

Sounds contagious.

How about the fact that in the other scenario, the implication is that you would have to pronounce the singular “Reese” as “Reesie”? Gawker must employ some kind of rocket scientists for this to be an office problem of a magnitude deserving an article.

We have drones now!

You seem to not have a grasp on this “pretty basic english” thing you talk about. Nice try, you’re still dumb for taking this so seriously.

He opted to take a money card he got by chance at a card game tournament. He didn’t save any kittens from a burning building or free people from oppression or anything requiring a spine or morals or convictions. Get over yourself.

You have the right to get a neck tattoo as much as we have the right to judge you for it. Dan didn’t want you going around telling people where you got your embarrassing neck tattoo from, that’s totally fair and seemingly a common policy among tattoo artists. He seems cool and talented, so I’m not sure what your…

“Visually appealing”

This order confuses me.

But it’s the cream cheese frosting that makes it. Forget all that food colouring nonsense.

It took way too long for him to start putting shampoo products into her hair. Kid needs to watch more Jackie Chan movies, he was in an aisle full of inspiration!

No, the people watching are not as bad as the morons on the floor. Some people have better sense than to get caught in the middle of redneck wrestlemania.

If it’s one lesson you need to learn from this, it’s that you don’t interrupt a good, trashy Walmart fight.

Except that it’s an inverse relationship.

Absolutely she did it on purpose. She’s really killing it right now.