I’m an old, but the title sequence is part of getting into the world of a show for me. I think the TL;DR trend started with LOST and I loved it at the time, but yet my fave sequence was Battlestar Galactica - cool song, good visuals and quick-cut montage of what you’re gonna have to strap yourself in for. Perfect…

Okay, all together now:

The dirt and grime are part of the charm and they keep away boujee white people. The day my corner bodega is replaced with a fucking Snap Kitchen (Food for People Who’ve Given Up!) I burn it all down.

Transition to full-blown cult in 5...4..3...

Any time I see festival-thirsty millenials so richly robbed of their money (and Brooklyn too, it’s Christmas in September!), my cold old heart grows three sizes.

Yes, I’m bitter.

I think people need to stop associating the word nigger with the African American race. I’m the token white guy

Please YouTubers, leap to his defense and make things worse. So I can ban YouTube from my son’s Internet time and not feel bad about it. You little toxic schmucks ruined everything I liked growing up.

My 8-year-old: “Daddy, you were one of the first gamers. You love video games! Why won’t you play online with me?!?”

Nope, because God hates me it’s gonna be here in Philadelphia. Book it. Because we’re not already drowning in Brooklyn-runoff fucking millenial tech bullshit.

Is ‘80s period porn a thing yet? Because that’s a great set.

My post should have read “your stereotypical senile grampa”. That being said we can never know for sure (hell, I doubt if even he knows) but your theory is certainly much more than plausible.

That’s not entirely accurate - Trump started attacking Obama before Obama insulted him. The truth is almost certainly that he just became an old man and fell into the Fox Hole, but since he’s rich and famous he was able to ride that into the White House as opposed to your senile grampa, who rides a Hoveround.

Take your star, you magnificent bastard.

You’re doing the Lord’s work here.

Also:
Dear Sex Workers of the World,

Slight correction: (largely unsubstantiated) FEAR ruined any semblance of independence little kids ever had. My mom watched local news relentlessly for the next thing that will MURDER YOUR CHILDREN (tonight at 11!) so I wasn’t allowed to breathe unsupervised. My mom’s crazy. 

This is actually what I most enjoy about sending my kids to a cash-strapped public school (fuck you very much, white-suburb-loving state government!) in a major city. They don’t have the time or resources for this level of nannying so the official policy is “eh, if they get here they get here”.

I said this for years and years...and now I walk my kids across the street to the bus stop to protect them from all the chucklefucks driving in from New Jersey.

I can FINALLY settle that Buddha v Zoroaster debate I’ve been having with friends for years....IN THE RING!

Even as a Giants fan, I can’t tell you how much I love this. The poetry of it is indescribable.

I know it’s cruel to say, but on the whole this administration makes me feel GREAT about how I look at 40.