I really do try not to, but growing up in the NY/NJ area from the early 80s on, I have never, not once, met someone who drove a white BMW who wasn’t an outrageous asshole. I mean to a man (or woman). So I instantly judge anyone in a white BMW, to this day.

“Trump” and “relations” — GAAAAAAAH, my brain can’t un-read that!

:: douses head with bleach ::

Silly rabbit, politicians don’t feel shame!

Have you ever even tried to land on the aircraft carrier?

I miss when this game had regular, real cars - the only appeal was finding out what my stock Honda Civic could do on a track (the answer: nothing, but still).

...and Paul Allen is spent. :: passes a tissue ::

Don’t forget, at least in the NFL, teams no longer have the L.A. Leverage to hold against cities. That’s literally the only good thing about Stan Kroenke.

Likely crying because he’s gonna get the Sheboygan Zingale’d outta him in the big house!

I don’t even feel bad about this terrible joke, because he totally deserves it.

Okay, who left Richard Riehle in the microwave??!

“Ooh oh diamond girl! (YES...YES...)“

As a former resident of Staten Island (“We’re Long Island, Without the Class!”) don’t tease me with hope for the human race like that.

Wait, I know I’m an old and all but how is Josh Ostrovsky still a thing?

I feel like this entire list needs a big ol’ “assuming you’re a single millenial” asterisk.

Because everybody’s looking and will judge you, or what I like to call “LinkedIn Syndrome”.

And yet to this day my parents just don’t understand why I fled Massapequa at the very first possible moment and never looked back.

Don’t hate, it’s a medical condition.

I needed this bit of comedy for a reason to drink over lunch.

WHY CAN’T PEOPLE PICK SHIT UP THROUGH CONTEXT?!?!?

Do you have the ability to impose your will physically on most people? Women don’t have that.

The guy in the beaten-up red SUV with 110,000 miles on it waving in sympathy was me.