Read it, loved it, went to a Donna Tartt talk and was LESS INTIMIDATED THAN I EXPECTED.

ARCHIE WILL NEVER DIE DAMN YOU ARCHIE COMICS

I FORGOT BUBBLE TAPE. I knew there was a reason I kept thinking of Fruit By the Foot.

This has done nothing but make me hearken back to the hedonistic bubble gum days of yore.

Our Neopets passed down all the roads long ago, and the Red Bull ran close behind them and covered their footprints.

NEOPETS bless you, let's all go play Meerca Chase, then stake out the Money Tree.

I've started using whether you like Ana Lucia as a lesbian litmus test. Because I thought she was just spiffy.

"When I'm out at a gay club, I'm looking for someone who calls the place home, not a tourist seeking an exotic romp while on a vacation from their ordinary world."

Wow. Ok, sure. So he doesn't "let her" make music vids with guys, and so instead she makes the seemingly lesbian vid where she doesn't make eye contact with the other girl because they're both too busy staring at the camera? "Haha, don't worry, we're not actually into each other. Rihanna and I need only you. Only you,…

He could've just saved himself some time and used this GIF:

Immediately what came to mind: You guys have got to get past this.

Omg are they seriously doing a Hillary Clinton/Godzilla thing? What the fuck, TIME. What. the actual fuck.

Ugh. I'm so sick of these kids and their mischievous turnip tattoos.

ARE WE BRINGING BACK 'TEH' I VOTE YES ON THIS

She came out as bi a little bit ago.

Whoa whoa whoa — Michelle Rodriguez making out news made me miss everything else.

Michelle Rodriguez making out with a girl at a basketball game? This is the happiest lesbian Wednesday ever.