I want to be her when I grow up.

She was pretty beloved here in NOLA and the town LOVED this send off.

It costs less to support one person than it does to support more than one person.

NO.

I just don't like the idea of rewarding someone who has obviously positioned herself for this for so long.

I hope she has a section on chemical burns.

Nope. #crotchetytilIdie

What if I don't want to be a happy and well adjusted person? I don't like any of the ones I know now.

Wait, what? The thing I was most looking forward to about getting older was being allowed to be cranky and pissy all of the time without having to deal with people's shit about it, and now you're telling me I'm going to be more agreeable. Uncool.

This is why I play it safe and only drive a shark truck

Yeah, the ones who expect the laws of physics to bend to their will are the worst. I also had a customer the same day who wanted to know what "cut of beef" we used in our stir fry. I couldn't think of a polite way to say, "Sir, this is a food court. It's probably ground up lips and anuses. If it weren't, you'd be…

Norman Bates' mother's corpse looks better than Trump.

I like how the sex talk is a list of random declarations. "Your mouth is cottony and your wee wee is stiff."

For some reason it made me think "I wonder what it would be like to be conventionally attractive." I can't even conceive of it. This girl was a gorgeous baby, adorable toddler and kid. And even in the most awkward tween and teen years, she's still lovely. I mean, good for her, she seems happy and loved and appears to…

Initial impression: I am too old for this shit.

Let the bears pay the bear tax. I pay the Homer tax

I always loved that one section in Spiegel that never changed - it was eternally 1988 with the light denim and rhinestone detailing.

Does Krusty own a taco franchise?

I never make eye contact. I also never remember what people look like. Perhaps if I looked at them...