Never change ❤️

I have been carrying this matte black leather bag nearly every day since December, it is the shit. A tote for my laptop and various other crap when I’m traveling or working, folds in half as a clutch when I am only carrying half my worldly belongings with me. Not super affordable, but well made and versatile so it…

In the past 10 weeks I’ve gone from my natural dark brown to platinum blonde (in one long ass sitting) to pale pink back to blonde and now what I can only describe as electric raspberry. I never realized how important it is to have an amazing stylist until now, not only am I not bald but my hair doesn’t feel like…

This...this sentence describes me more perfectly than I have ever been able to describe myself.

What the fuck is wrong with people? Why would you ask someone to come over and cook (work) for you as a first date “I know you’ve had a long day in the kitchen, why don’t you come over and work for me off the clock...”

I need to know where to get her sunglasses immediately. Like right now immediately. WHERE?!?

I’m ashamed I didn’t think of this already.

I like to insult them, but truly there’s nothing like a cheap diner patty melt covered in processed cheese product

I would shop in that store

Nothing in my fridge could be combined to make a complete, balanced meal, unless beer and cheese counts (it does), which is why I feel comfortable judging his fridge contents anonymously on the Internet.

The sheer amount of Kraft singles is by far the most disturbing thing in that series of instagrams #cheeseghazi

Barfatronic.

Also, whyyy choose your Bible as storage space for that particular photo? So many questions...

Yes, this is the only correct list. All the gummies please. I’m addicted to those black gummi penguins that are peach flavored. You have to be careful where you buy them though, for some reason Dutch/Amish markets always seem to have the good matte finish ones, fancy candy emporiums seem to have the greasy looking…

You are doing the lord’s work

Me too, completely inaccurate description aside from needing to be told again and again to behave. Thanks dog science!

Well now I know what I’ll be watching over and over again this evening. Goddamn, that all black outfit with the braids, I am dead.

But you get your choice of free toppings

Tim Disney (grandson of Roy Disney)