Of course he makes more than Ocean. Of course.

This. For some reason the men in my family are all delicate and willowy, meanwhile I have inherited my mother’s sturdy Lithuanian peasant ankles. My grandfather has significantly better ankles than I. He would clean up at an ankle beauty pageant.

Couples who insist on holding hands and will not move into single file to allow you to pass. People would most likely push hoverboard users into traffic if...

My mother gets these all the time with employment applications, sexibabe@gmail asstapper@aol, she always texts me a screen shot and it is always hilarious.

That was my favorite part too. I frequently get annoyed at couples blocking the sidewalk with their engagement photo sessions in my tourist town. I’m just trying to get home to my cat and pizza for one, outta my way losers!

I would happily do something like this as well, I have a guest room that is basically a cat bedroom at this point. It could be put to much better use by someone who truly needs it. However I live in South Carolina and I am certain my super conservative landlords would evict me if I hosted a refugee family :(

Learned this the hard way. I moved here from the heathen north and found out REAL FAST that no one tolerates that first name bullshit. Especially not fancy old ladies, they won't even acknowledge you're speaking to them if it's not Mrs Lastname. Six years later it doesn’t even phase me when I’m ma’am-ed in the coffee…

I don’t know why I’m reading all of this. I have to spend three nights next week at a Comfort Inn in Methtown Pennsylvania, and I fear the coffee pot is the least of my worries. Cant stop reading...

A memorial on a much smaller scale, but I live in Charleston SC and not a day goes by that I don’t pass the Mother Emmanuel church and see a bunch of dipshits from Ohio out front smiling and taking selfies and moving around the flowers and memorial posters/cards for a better shot (or worse, taking a flower or two out…

“The People’s Designer,” a documentary about his amazing journey to the upper echelons of the fashion world and his friendship with Rita Ora, when some total nobody served him with legal papers!

I have a tiny micro business of one, so no co-workers to make friends/enemies with. Making friends as an adult is fucking hard, not even counting how socially awkward I am, where do you meet people if you work long hours by yourself? Like I just want someone I can send snarky texts to when I get a dumb question from…

Indeed, rude and true. I live in SC now and sometimes I’m still amazed at how nicely people dress here, when you’re falling behind South Carolina in anything you’re bad and you should feel bad DC.

YES. I want to yell at them “I spent my 20s in paper thin leather sole shoes and look at me now, early 30s and I have to wear orthopedic shoes that even croc lovers would mock. Look at my shoes. LOOK AT THEM. THIS IS YOUR FUTURE!” Then I remember I’m unhinged and should keep my thoughts to myself. Seriously though,…

Damn, my heart is broken. I know better than to read about my favorites, yet I always fall for it...

Excellent, I'm glad that whole situation is good for something! I hope the prize is booze related...

My dad had a whole second family! (I have a half brother 4 months younger than me, wheeee!)

Grade: D+ (having to tell people you named your son Brighton for eternity.)

That is an amazing excuse. Totes using it the next time I accidentally fart in mixed company. “Sorry, just my demon talking. He says hi.”

Great, now Darrell Hammond is ruined for me. This fucking guy, so creepy. You know back in MascotLand (where all mascots/spokescartoons live) this dude is on some type of sexual offender registry. Ugh. I hate this creepy Colonel so much.

Me too, and now I have Peaches stuck in my head. Damn you Charlize!