"Nobody gives a shit about your boner" was my favorite Jezebel-ism of 2014, I really hope "nobody gives a shit about your children" becomes a thing in 2015.

#prayforcaps

Absolutely, if I passed out at home my cat would be on Google within minutes trying to figure out how soon is too soon to start eating my face (answer: as soon as she wants because cats don't give a fuck).

That's Mr. Jesus Trout. Show some damn respect!

Just remember that Scooty Puff, Jr. sucks!

This reminds me of an article my mother was in years ago, where she was quoted as saying her business was "OK"...not how her sales were or how the holiday season was going or anything like that, but she was quoted as she literally thought her small business was just okay. "Eh, I've seen better." It is still a running…

Tell your mother to have a seat. My mother has 0 grandchildren and only one child (who has no plans to ever have children). I went with her to buy her new car earlier this year and the salesman was talking about all his grandchildren and how awesome they were, my mother says "I have a grandcat!"...I've never felt like…

oh sure, leave out the one fancy Charlestonian here. I didn't want to come to your meet-up anyhow!

This reminds me so much of my beloved terrier, who went through the puppy obedience class over and over until until the 6th time she failed and we were asked never to return. The worlds worst dog and I loved her so much. Why is it raining in here...

As some who buys quite a bit of silver online, YES THIS. So many tits and balls. I don't understand the need to take photos naked, snap your ebay pics before you nude it up, not a difficult concept!

Peter Gallagher's Eyebrows, Serious Woman at Work

Playing on the Wipeout course is something I long to do. Not with all those cameras and other losers though, just me and friends making fools of ourselves at the ultimate waterpark and trying not to die on the big balls. Universe, pleeeease make this happen.

Fred is an excellent cat name!

Aw, thanks mom!

This was the first tape that I bought with my own money, at the tender age of 9 or 10. I remember jamming out to this song, shoop and whatta a man in the car with my mom all the time. Not solid parenting mom. No wonder I grew up to be a slutty, childless cat lady, feminist.

Yes please, we need all the help we can get!

Seriously, you could not pay me enough to go to a store or busy shopping center on Black Friday. Hell no. I'm firmly generation Get Off My Lawn.

Points for not saying North Bethesda or North Potomac. North Potomac always drove me crazy, and I was dismayed when I returned home for Christmas last year and discovered North Bethesda somehow became a thing while I was gone. NO. You live in Rockville and Gaithersburg, just accept it Kentlands dicks (and whatever the…

good to know, I just changed mine!

Tai Chi Latte