Santa is pretty damn clever too. He gets into your home, and your life, and it breaks gods heart when he leaves you a shitty generic doll house instead of the pink dream house you saw on tv.

31 cats. 31. Fucking. Cats.

I also have the elusive non-judgey cat. She is an absolute asshole to other animals (cut to me sobbing in the cat rescue waiting room because I had to return the adorable cat friend I adopted for her after she kept trying to kill it), but the sweetest little fuzzball to me. She even lets me keep full cups of liquid…

One of the greatest moments of my life was at 14 when I threw a $20 down on the table and stomped out of a restaraunt after calling my father a "cheap asshole." Dude, stop ruining my regular cred at a place my mom and I go to 2 or 3 times a week with your 5% tips!

When I first moved here (charleston) I remember someone laughed and laughed when I said I was under the impression Greenville was the Asheville of SC. The person who told me Greenville was full of liberal aging hippies and hipsters was a lying bastard.

Found a photo! She is the highlight of my farmers marketing, I can't wait until I'm old enough to give zero fucks.

There is a retirement age lady at our farmers market who walks her cat Max around in a stroller, all dressed up and fancy (her, not the cat). She is my hero.

I'm in charleston, there's an antique mall here with a Yelp review from someone outraged that they were selling slave shackles/cuffs. Their tone deaf response to review is something along the lines of "the vendor through they were slave cuffs but then later realized they weren't, so no worries!" Point missed by a…

I estate sale-d today too! I got myself an antique french coffee table base, once I add a marble top I'll have a gorgeous coffee table for 1/4 the price of a fancy antique store table.

autocorrect is a jerk, but speech to text will be my downfall. I use it for anything that requires more than 1 short sentence, so basically all my customer/client communication. For some reason people can't stop fucking talking to me when I am speaking into my phone, then I forget to turn it off when answering them…

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

my grandfather does exactly this! It's not so much the telemarketers though, it's the people who come to your door trying to sell you magazine subscriptions or new windows or gutter cleaning. He will keep them at the door for an hour until they just slowly back away and make up some excuse to run away. I call him…

To quote another commenter above, the candidate could be Ebola personified and as long as he's a white male republican people would still vote for him. No one gives a shit about the issues here, it's just what you do...kind of like going to church, it's a social/networking event for the vast majority of people and…

I feel your pain, and as a fellow owner of a crappy small tub I highly recommend this contraption:

Pumpin' Spice

It's not the holidays without a big, throbbing euphemism

I made this mistake a few years ago when I was just starting my business, all I can say is DANGER RUN AWAY NOW! It has ruined one of my closest friendships :|

First, what is this glorious cookie abomination and why is it not in my mouth yet?!

O as in "oh my god, it's Robert Loggia"

this is an argument I have with my grandfather all the time. The kkk burned crosses on his family farm on a few occasions when he was growing up because they were unwanted catholic immigrants. When he goes on his rants about illegals I keep reminding him that if his poor as fuck farmer parents with 9 children tried to…