I mean, I would feel way worse about it if he hadn’t been a condescending prick to me. He told me I wasn’t ready to work on arbitrations and told me I’d basically be writing his letters for now. Well JOKE’S ON YOU BUD, because I’m going on an arb next week. Also, I’m going through his files and they’re a fucking mess.…

SHE IS LYING, HER DOPPELGANGER IS CARA DELEVIGNGNGNGNGE

I get Drew Barrymore a lot. Also Bridget Jones-era Renee Zellweger.

“I’m like, ‘Stop talking about Kylie Jenner,’” says alconleigh, who is totes over it.

Like, I reeeeeeally don’t care about moving up the ladder or having power, because I dislike working for a living, but if she could just maybe NOT act like she’s my boss, that would be great.

I miss Dunks so much

I woke up at 6:15 this morning so I could do laundry before work so I would have clothes for yoga and also underwear for the day. If I didn’t have my breakfast sandwich from Bagel Stop (sesame bagel toasted, two slices of cheddar, and scrambled egg), I would have murdered my new, extremely condescending law clerk by…

I can’t think about it. Ugh.

Are you the new lawyer who started with me

I can’t find a fucking stapler for the life of me. It’s driving me nuts.

To clear up any confusion, Tina Knowles did not marry the beloved former Gawker writer

I’m just here to say HI Y’ALL I started my new job yesterday and I have no idea what I’m doing or where any of the office supplies are.

omg please.

God I know. I was so excited until I read that line, as I FINALLY have gotten back into working out within the last 6 months or so, after 2 years of letting my anxiety get in the way of it. And it’s awesome and I love it and I sleep like a baby now.

aaaaaaand I’m crying.

EIGHTH GRADE?

This is my fave.

Goddess.

omggggg key lime pie is the second best pie (after coconut cream)

tbh I only buy limes to go into alcoholic drinks so they could very well have crept up to $10 a pop and I wouldn’t even have noticed