Where have you been? These assholes are the main reason the US still allows minors to get married — because a lot of them like to marry girls who are too young to consent, often because the man in question was caught molesting her, and is now expected by the church to do the “honorable” thing. This shit never ended,…

No, it’s a common theme in purity-obsessed abstinence-style programs. Women are consumables that get gross and nasty and unlovable after a single use, like chewing gum, or a chocolate bar someone licked, or a lollipop someone opened and sucked on for a bit.

OH MY GOD

BURN IT ALL DOWN

I wonder how many car accidents in Australia are caused by goddamn clock spiders making their presence known to the driver while the car is in motion.

My favorite:

The “Fuck your feelings!” party cries itself to sleep once more.

They also have a lot more flavor than the average supermarket bird.

If the rice is stored in a silo that isn’t dedicated, the grain can also pick up enough gluten there to be dangerous for celiacs and people with gluten allergies.

Depends. If you want to go to the extra trouble of cooking it, a heritage breed bird is both worthwhile, and will be labeled as such somewhere.

Moore would be a fool to actually go through with filing a defamation lawsuit.

OBAMA: LAKE RAPER FOR CHINA

“She’s a very nice lady, and only sometimes eats whole live pinky mice for lunch.”

She’s going to wallpaper their bedroom with uncut sheets of bills. Those stuck-up neighbors down the way will just shit themselves when she tells them they’re real!

He’s morphing into the opposite of whatever the fuck this was supposed to be:

Easy: break your leg while doing something cool but dangerous. Then they have to let you go.

They should have just fed him shark fin melon, there’s no way he’d have known the difference.

He is NEVER going to file that lawsuit.

The military decided their soldiers already had enough problems without a nightmare machine constantly lurking around too.

I think it’ll view humans the same way we view our own loud, stupid, racist older relatives. Which is why we need to give these things eyes, so they can roll them while sighing loudly.