No worries, the author of this piece doesn’t understand, either.

Duh, the best thing about being rich and famous and successful is that you don’t have to maintain adult relationships.

If he was going full Trash Heapster, instead of saying “zombie bite” he would call it the “ouch ouch ouch.”

Ain’t nobody professional enough to deal with the garbage people of Florida.

I can relate. I remember when I was a kid thinking how cool it would be if someday we could all walk around with miniature computers in our pockets that were powerful enough to hold the entire Encyclopedia Britannica. We could look up anything we wanted at any time! That came true and more, but the “and more” part is…

You forgot to mention his superpowers. Can’t wait to see how he teleports his fighters around to get the drop on Rick.

The myth is correct, the problem is everyone thinking that the calories which are actually obtained by your body from the food you consume and the amount of energy you expend in a typical day are somehow easy to calculate and constant for a give body mass/exercise type/genetic composition.

How can you protect your kid from jail?

The best way to deal with school bullies is to get a lawyer and make the bully’s mother cry. Make the school principal cry, too. That’s how grown-ups fight.

I just assume these people get money or retweets or candy every time they embed a tweet. Twitter is stupid and it sucks, and the fact that most journalists don’t realize it is one of the biggest problems with journalism today.

I’ve always loved that the mission of Project Veritas is to lie to people. And not even in the “who can say what’s true” way, they openly and proudly lie to people.

What the hell kind of Secret Service agent would fuck Melania? That would be such a colossally bad idea that it’s hard to imagine anyone that dumb ever being assigned to the president’s security detail.

I don’t know enough about naval operations to have an opinion, but it generally seems like we pay a lot for “defense” that might not be necessary. On the other hand, I know enough about politics to understand that the Navy is how the U.S. projects power around the globe, particularly the carrier groups. The Army has…

You always have a good chance of seeing Chris Kluwe show up to express some empathy in the punter misery porn threads on this site. And that’s a lot, because Deadspin will pretty much highlight every college and pro punter fuckup every week (and, to be fair, every successful punter trick play).

You know what I do when commercials come on the Internet? I block them. You should do a post on the best way to to block all ads on Lifehacker, padded out with snark about how much the ads themselves suck.

I know a lot of the tricks come from the music and the camera work, but I’ve always thought that in the same way German can make it easy for speakers to sound angry, Japanese can make it easy for speakers to sound excited or enthusiastic. I have no idea what they are saying, but I’m 100% on board!

I’m no smoking genius, but in my years of experience with different devices I’ve learned that it’s less about learning “how to smoke” and more about developing a relationship with your smoker. Putting foil on the coals and smoking directly may work in Drew’s smoker, but not in another. Setting the vents, knowing the…

Yet on that show they are still motoring around as if gas is plentiful. They even drove their mega yacht in circles.

I think the appropriate apology would be a candygram.