+1 SAT PTSD

The NFL is expanding into Las Vegas, and the police department is telling Goodell, through this letter, that they are fucking idiots at best and profoundly corrupt at worst. Should he really be trying to agitate them?

It can’t be that he wants to hear it from Bennett, because Bennett has already told the world why he was arrested.

Yeah, if Brady keeps taking blows to the head after he retires Gisele is going to learn what it’s like to be married to someone who is kinda dumb.

We are the mediocre presidents

I once had a woman at a bar grab my dick, and I mean grabbed and squeezed, and even then I was like, “Maybe that was a mistake. She must be mortified that she accidentally touched my dick.”

Weed on the brain is not a prerequisite for Netflix.

+1 for calling a person who uses a phone in the backyard to capture a dog being incompetent a “video artist”

I’m so male entitled that I never kill and cut up women. I don’t want to, so I don’t. #MalePrivilege

Jesus, no! I would definitely rank monogamy above that. Hell, I’d rank celibacy above that.

Ugh, now Deadspin is promoting minstrel shows. Is there anything more offensive and witless than “mini”versions of real events? Oh, right, stories about them.

What a strange world you live in where the only things your hands touch are your own body and your own possessions. The rest of us touch door handles, elevator buttons, stair handrails, office refrigerators, and dozens of other items that have been touched by dozens of other people.

To me it looks like a gold chain that he plans to barf on later.

You are the winner of the internet for today. You fuckin’ aced it!

Hateful words are okay when they do not refer to something you have no choice about. Hate words like “asshole” refer to a person’s changeable behavior, whereas hate words about race, gender, or sexual preference hit a person where there is no defense.

When I encounter people like you and the driver in the video on the roads or online, I feel the same way.

Then there’s the notion that passing on a double yellow like that is unexpected behavior, which could cause unnatural reactions from the other drivers. Again, not a life-threatening risk in my opinion, but still an unnecessary risk.

If you want to drive in the left lane on a Nevada freeway and not be stopped by the police, I recommend being white.