It’s possible this meant that in order to receive payment he was required to fuck her. Which seems fair, as long as he only had to do it once and not repeatedly for 72 days.

go back to your place, grab your emergency go-bag of “what if I want to get myself invited to a stranger’s cookout” Reynold’s Wrap and rum.

This comment is a triumph of the human spirit.

Hopefully now NFL players will spend their free time working on their group choreography for TD celebrations instead of commiting serious crimes, like consumption of marijuana.

I read it the same way. If this theory is accurate, it seems that Taylor Swift is the more severely injured party here. Katy Perry got exactly what she wanted (her favorite dancers joined her on tour), the dancers got most of what they wanted (all but 30 days of extra work), and Taylor Swift got screwed (needs to find…

If someone wants to be hit so bad that they use the N word in my wife’s face, or decide to share with me that my mother is a whore - I’m going to jail that night.

It’s not just a calculation problem, it’s that there are too many other things going on to reduce it to the laws of physics alone. Our bodies are not machines that consistently convert inputs to outputs the same way, like the way your car converts fuel to engine horsepower.

Comey wasn’t misled, he was a chickenshit. He thought that if he did not go public, the info would leak and the GOP taintsniffers in Congress would crucify him for it. That scared him, so he broke protocol to avoid any accusation that he had followed protocol.

I only ever watch CBS for Survivor and Amazing Race, and on the rare occasions I am not skipping ads so I can see them promoting their other shows, it just boggles my mind. The only thing worse than the promos for the dumb-as-a-rock sitcoms are the one for the (three dozen?) different cop show where the cops stand…

It seems to me that there are at least 50 dorks on each Ivy League campus who could take that spot. But then again, all I know about a capella groups is that only Ivy League dorks give a shit about them.

Three, if you count the fact that one of them also named his penis “Jared Diamond.”

I just hope the mental health professionals are able to treat him. It’s so rare to find someone who plays video games obsessively AND has anger issues, I doubt there is an established treatment protocol for such a strange combination.

This is why nothing gets me harder than suffering of Redskins fans. Well, that’s not exactly true, the suffering of Patriots fans gets me even harder, but unfortunately not nearly as frequently. Hating people who love the Redskins pays off almost daily.

We could tell you don’t have kids. Anyone who has raised toddlers knows that they word they actually scream non-stop is “No!”

Dogs are not intelligent enough to have desires -- they can “need” something or “expect” something but they cannot “want” something.

sometimes you just got to roll the dice, and hope it comes out okay

So that’s how you spell BLAAAAAAAAUUUUUMMMMP! I always wondered...

With Jedi magic if you need to go from just a beginner to a pro you need a montage, a Force training montage...

Starred because you obviously spend a lot of time thinking about and developing very specific descriptions of your cat’s butthole. Not that the behavior itself is star-worthy per se, I just thought you could probably use another one.

You are missing the point: you are not allowed to be offended by something if it is a caricature!