That move is called the “Not Tonight Honey” because it’s sexy but you can’t stop yawning.

Did you like her skating or those bangs?

You are letting the phrase “for all her faults” do a lot of work there. She was complicit in an assault with a deadly weapon on one of her competitive rivals. That deserves a little judgment.

This. The jump in the header would never have happened if the center wasn’t being held down by being pushed in the back.

If a nuke goes off in my city, Trump is going to get re-elected. I don’t want to survive the attack.

He had to have some idea where his hand was going. Even when positioned behind a woman and looking in another direction, it’s easy enough to guess where her hip will be as opposed to her crotch.

You made up both of those names.

I got a great workout wiping the tears from my eyes as I laughed my way through this video. The strongmen are amusing, but the real hilarity is watching the local morning news anchors failing to re-evaluate their life choices.

Her future is being the next generation’s Kellyanne Conway.

*SLAP* You take that back!

At least this really happened, so you don’t have to apologize for spreading made-up bullshit (or not being smart enough to recognize made-up bullshit). Things are looking up for you!

“I love him, but it was pretty bad” is how my wife signs her diary entries every night...

Actually it was one of the best ideas ever when it was first dreamed up by CIA operatives to use for “enhanced interrogation.” But as a business idea, yes, terrible.

This shit is straight out of The Onion.

That sound you hear is 5,000 SoCal personal injury lawyers trying to push down the erections they just got from reading this story.

That’s such a good story, I’m almost afraid to tell you that your dad did that on purpose and your mom was only pretending to be that angry, so later that night they could “fight” about it and have passionate, semi-violent make up sex. Your parents were kinky as fuck, Agassi and Lendl were just pawns in their little…

The only cheap shot in tennis is aiming straight at your opponents face. Anything else is absolutely fair game. A player is required to cover the entire court, not just the baseline, not just the areas where he would prefer to play or where he normally plays.

Dots have updated fonts (but bless them, still taste the same).

There were 413,739.42 people at Trump’s inauguration. That’s my precise estimate, whether or not it’s accurate you’ll have to ask the Park Service

And a tomb.