Hate to “well actually” you, but the joke was even better than that. The first president killed by the virus was President Pence, the 46th president of the United States, followed by the rest of the line of succession.

Yeah, it wasn’t that NPS had different counts, they had one estimate. But the organizers of the “Million Man March” couldn’t stand to be told that fewer than half a million people came. So when the Promise Keepers (gathering of evangelical nutballs) were going to hold a similar rally soon thereafter, NPS decided to…

But that would never happen. You can imagine that the home team doesn’t put MAKE SOME NOISE on the Jumbotron or otherwise try to hype the crowd, but crowds have a way of hyping themselves. People who pay big bucks to attend football games know what third down means, and they know that making noise will be helpful to…

If anyone tells you that your college has been less than admirable in handling allegations of sexual assault, you need to hit them in the head with a bat, tie their arms and legs to stakes in the ground, piss on them, douse them with gasoline, light them on fire, and then piss on them again.

When I am days from death and trying to write something for my spouse so she knows how much I love her, I hope I have the good sense to say what I hate about her in the same piece. She needs to know that she’s not perfect, and it will be too late for me to tell her after I’m dead!

One of her main jobs was to fix the problem if her partner fucked up. If she was unwilling to do that job because she is a woman and would be unfairly blamed for doing her job when a man fucked up, she should not have accepted this particular responsibility.

This comment is perfect when read aloud in Drunk Uncle voice! Kudos!

It’s amazing, yet I’m willing to bet it would not have happened if not for the video.

To be fair, I don’t think she’s saying that she is “okay” with the flags as a social comment. I think she is just acknowledging that, whether she likes it or not, riding around waving Confederate flags is not a crime. Making threats, especially with racial slurs, is a crime and that’s what they are going away for.

Laura Bush was elegant because she was setting an example for young women and girls as part of her Iron Hymen initiative:

In fairness, that “dimwitted liability” got the guy elected president when almost everyone thought it was impossible.

She seems like a piano murderer at first glance.

The main difference is with Kellyanne, I would gladly say goodbye to those.

Is it her privilege that is making her so sick? Because she does not look well at all. It seems privilege does the same things to your body as bulimia.

Try setting up a fan to blow on you. I find that helps, but I still struggle to play for more than about 30 minutes. I also struggle to remember that I’m not in danger of falling when I’m playing the Batman game, so I like to keep a chair nearby to “steady” myself even though I’m standing perfectly still.

I mean, I get it. This game sucks, you’re bored, you’re tired, you’re hot and cold at the same time. It’s enough to make anyone want to start punching. But don’t do it, kids!

I love the way Mom freaked out, but of course she would because she’s a mom.

It’s not that hard to remember the last time the president played golf, it was just a few days ago!

I think you’re missing the point. He’s not saying all women are silent and gentle. He’s saying all women should be silent and gentle. Big difference!

You were classmates with Ben Carson?