Nobody is serious about going to Mars, nor should they be.

It is disrespecful to give your bong a celebrity pun name like Jon Bong Jovi. Just give it a regular name, like Princess Leia.

So if some random-ass betting web site offers to pay out on a random-ass bet, players can get fired for it just because they knew about it? What if someone offered 3 to 2 that Player X takes a drink of water during the match, and then publicizes that offer? The player is not allowed to take a drink?

Fuck you, here’s your star.

You need to recalibrate your expectations. I expect to shit on Pats fans while doing anything: commenting on cookie recipes, pumping gas, getting lap dances, etc.

Thank you for not including guns on this list. I hate when namby-pamby liberals are all “Don’t let your 8-year-old use a shotgun.” Shut up, pussies, we’ll take our chances because this is AMERICA!

It was the failure to kill the play clock that really had me fuming. Time and again they snapped the ball with 10+ seconds on the play clock. Leave aside every other stupid thing that happened in the fourth quarter and you still have this: Ryan gifted the Pats with the extra minute they needed to tie the game by…

This would be better, assuming that the “special occasion” you are saving it for is having houseguests who don’t know any better.

This would be better, assuming that the “special occasion” you are saving it for is having houseguests who don’t…

We are now living in Trump’s America. Must we still choose between getting piss drunk and getting stupid high? Doing both seems like the more prudent course of action.

the absence of thought and existence is the most terrifying thing I can imagine, as it is the ultimate unknown.

Reporter: Why are you wearing that swastika armband?

The political statement Tom Brady was making is gone. He kept it on his phone, but he recently smashed that phone with a hammer and ran over it with a snowplow. Which is totally a normal thing he always does and has nothing to do with him trying to duck uncomfortable questions.

I think it is better to say that many recruits have no other good options, or no other workable options. If you do not have the skills to hold a job with a wage good enough to support a family, volunteering to coach soccer isn’t going to fix that. Certainly you CAN coach soccer instead of joining the military, but…

Bad things can be heartwarming, it’s just that they are warming the dark parts of your heart. Schadenfreude may not be admirable, but it’s real.

How does concentrating the pay make the quality fall for all teams across the board? Are there people out there would would be above-replacement players but they quit the NFL because they weren’t getting enough money?

Unless you count the leaked tax returns that many believe came from Marla’s divorce file.

Others may spend four years attacking Trump, I’m going to celebrate for the next four years by having weekly piss sessions with Russian hookers.

Republicans emerged from the meeting swinging their big dicks and laughing their asses off.

If you weren’t there, you cannot understand the enormous appeal and charisma of Erik Estrada. As a youngster Ponch made me question whether or not I was straight. (I am, but I’m keeping an open mind. Call me, Mr. Estrada!)

It’s already terrible when players who have achieved their dream of playing in the NFL get stuck on losing teams. But given that they are going to lose, I’m sure the players will agree that it is better to lose while living in Los Angeles.