“Let me tell you about my mother.”

Rio - come for the Zika, stay for the kidnapping.

How the hell would Lochte even know he was held up. That boy’s about as sharp as a sack of wet mice

“I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears...in...rain. Time to die.”

IOC spokesman (pictured); ‘ didn’t happen, everything’s fine.’

I've made up more ridiculous stories to avoid my mom, tbh.

Pictured: Lochte disarming the perpetrator.

Why are you using a picture of Abby Wambach?

Thank goodness he's ok - it would have been really ugly if he dyed.

No, no, no. This is all wrong. It’s not “many” Bothans like there were a lot of them. She was saying that Manny Bothans, beloved Rebel scout, died. Just one person. But he was so well known and loved that everyone was upset over it.

What? It’s all been swimming. Theses past few nights have been “here’s 15 minutes of gymnastics to entice you—now we go to the pool for two and a half hours of boring before showing you what you actually wanted to see...”

NICE Marmot... aww.

Whatever you say to a woman.

See? You get it.

Not gonna lie that’s fuckin’ hot. XD

I remember one guy who told me “You’re the first girl I’ve ever had sex with” and I was like...whhaaaat? Because this dude was a notorious penetrator and I personally knew a few women he had intercoursed.

yah, i made it up

Percheskey is referring to his fleshlight.

Ah, the esoteric “Olympic archery truther”.