If you can’t trust Ryan Lochte’s mom, then who can you trust?

“It’s your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?”

She did escape Avatar, though. So, silver lining?

Except for last night, of course, which featured the same Geico ad four hundred times and thirty (elapsed) minutes of gymnastics, the results of which had already been known hours earlier.

The jaunty bossa nova cocktail soundtrack was an interesting choice.

NBC daily Olympics broadcasting breakdown:

Ok.

You just need to find yourself another clicking winker and you’ll be golden.

...no matter how tantalizing it’d be to answer honestly for once, & maybe admit, “I think I lost my dry-cleaning tag”

Is it really that difficult to just go ahead and say “you were great, babe?”

Is “Hey you” weirder or less weird?

Purely out of completely disinterested anthropological curiosity, what would be an appropriate thing to say to a Fleshlight?

Hey.

“I always say” = “I said once and never had sex again"?

I would have guessed that just one post-coital “how you doin?” is grounds for immediate dismissal.

Better still: Don’t attend bullshit woo self-help seminars.

Game over, man. Game over!

That’s solid Kinja, right there.