Congress is pretty busy working on reasonable gun control legislation and making finely-tuned improvements to Obamacare, so it might be hard to fit that in.

stick to oral, manual, anal, mutual masturbation

Well, it’s not the only good Vine account: https://vine.co/MarloMeekins

“Are there no prisons?” asked Scrooge.

Well, that’s gonna rack up some serious billable hours...

After looking at just a half-dozen or so articles, here’s an early look at just the fiscal impact of the GOP’s pennywise plan:

I know it’s still only January, but you should probably go ahead and start writing your 2016 Internet Comment of the Year acceptance speech.

It’s hard. I told my 12-year-old that football is off the table. Luckily he doesn’t have much interest in it. He has played hockey since he was five and is losing interest, which is also lucky for me: I have a medical and scientific background as well and I think the evidence is becoming increasingly clear that it’s…

The short answers are: No, yes, and probably.

This struck a chord with me because I’m the same age and having some of the same kinds of cognitive problems, although not quite as pronounced as what you describe. I played football in high school; luckily I wasn’t very good, so I didn’t play much. I only remember one hit that, looking back, probably resulted in a…

That would be fucking glorious...

Nicely done.

Does anyone have any idea how greys really work?

They can’t all be gold. I’ve sure had my fair share. Plus, in your defense, Trump has become the walking, talking embodiment of Poe’s Law. It takes a pretty thick slathering of snark to distinguish sarcasm from fascism*.

I don’t hate the Eagles, and I’m actually sad about Frey’s passing. Still, as an ordained Dudeist priest, I feel obligated to post this. I hope it will be taken in the spirit of tribute in which it’s offered.

Not sure if serious, so:

It was good, you just ran out of steam at the end. Don’t worry about it; we’re all tired. The Trump satire has been on autopilot for a while now anyway...

I hate you for posting this and myself for starring it.

Man, no kidding. I’m sitting on my couch watching an animation of a Mars lander on a wireless computer smaller than a deck of cards while my wife is sitting right next to me using one just like it to make a video phone call to her mother in another country. It really is astounding.