They all seem to have suny dispositions.

Tell me this doesn’t look like the first scene of a Brazzers video...

The boyfriend should’ve known better. Trying to hit 21 in Vegas is always a dumb idea.

Centralia, Illinois—America’s winningest high school basketball program—and the home of the Centralia Orphans.

The last time a nurse got that attached to me I had to get a restraining order. In fairness, I should have seen it coming—she did have red hair and her name was Tiffany so that’s two legs of the tripod right away.

No, it still is.

Man, you can’t take Steven A. seriously if you’re Tedy Atlas. Just shrug it off and go on.

Makes sense—that dog is always on the rail.

No wonder he kept winning by a nose.

Sorry, but “How far can you banana kick a football?” doesn’t have the same ring to it.

Hopefully this doesn’t turn out to be a real handicap. If it does and KC releases him other teams will be jockeying to claim him.

He’s right—no Bigfoot bones have ever been found. But no one ever found those hookers that Craig James killed either—but that doesn’t mean he didn’t do it. Actually, that might mean that Craig James killed Bigfoot, too...

Bet the suit was filed pro bono.

Should’ve concentrated more on fleeing rather than the pursuit.

Hectoring? Isn’t Robert Lee Asian?

I think I’d go with GoldHammer but then again, I’m no marketing genius—just a simple man with a talent for naming dildos.

“Miss Cerqueira, the police report states that Mr. Landry “threw you a beating”, is that correct?”

I put my teeth on a hot dog. That’s it—a good hot dog doesn’t need accoutrements.

This is correct—if anyone tells you that they can change the the acidity or alkalinity of anything besides your urine then everything else they tell you is probably bullshit and meant to convince you to buy worthless products.

My ex-wife is Greek. There’s no tzatziki sauce worth going back into that world again—no matter who makes it.