You were so close. You mentioned Planters Cheez Balls but then failed to proclaim them the GOAT, a title they rightly deserve.

I’m very annoyed that people use the phrase ‘snake oil’ for a dubious or fraudulent medicine or supplement. I used snake oil on my old rusty snake and now it doesn’t squeak at all!

Maybe this is just life in the East Coast pizza bubble, but I would expect a significant portion of pizza dollars to go to independent operators rather than chains. Pizza as a foodstuff is likely more popular than this chart shows. (See also: my hips.) I suspect “Global” loses some to local competition too. Segments…

I am trying to understand why doordash did this? It seems kinda convoluted? If the restaurant just didnt show up in the app wouldnt someone just pick another restaurant anyways? Is it to trick people into thinking the other place doesnt deliver so they dont call directly? I feel like thats a really stupid way to gain…

“Whole Foods” sells a lot of fattening processed foods on its shelves. Just because your cheese curls are made with aged organic artisan cheddar and ground maiz and cost $8 a bag doesn’t mean they aren’t going to get you really fat if you eat a lot of them. Whole Foods is marketing bullshit. They’ve sold the idea that…

The dentist said the tooth was cracked in two places and that he needed a tooth extraction, root canal and dental implant surgery.

I am a NAVY SEAL SNIPER with 47 CONFIRMED KILLS!

Their other option is do nothing and have the bank seize their property. The moratorium doesn’t stop that from happening.

Adrian van Hooydonk makes Chris Bangle look like Michelangelo

“(“Miracle whip for peanut butter and banana sandwiches...”

Miracle Whip is nasty. Debate over. 

So what you’re saying here is that it is my patriotic duty to the supply chain to purchase a kegerator. On it. 

“But, while Captain Morgan is marketed as a sort of rascally barrel-standing scoundrel, saying that you’re trying to “recruit new members” for his “crew” kind of forces the reader to recall that the real Captain Morgan, Sir Henry Morgan, was a privateer (a government-sponsored pirate) and wealthy slave holder who…

Who really cares about the people who “swore off” the drinks? Clearly they had never HAD a Chick-Fil-A lemonade (or sweet tea, for that matter), so they aren’t likely to cause a market crash here.

Have these people... never made lemonade? From scratch? Because lemon water is great, but it ain’t lemonade. Who are these fools?

“a three-cheese blend, and real cheese made from mozzarella”

I think it’s the second major McNugget development since 1983! They switched to “all-white meat” at some point in McNugget history. So, originally, McNuggets were tastier, but occasionally you’d find a slimy interior that was very off-putting to a large segment of the target audience. I for one would welcome the…

I like the Trader Joe’s stuff, myself.

There’s actually a thing called “margarita photodermatitis”, from the lime juice in sunlight. It may not be the tequila at all.

I’ll have to look for the Salad Supreme.